You have plenty of questions that experienced mages could probably help with, but still want to keep things a little casual for now – at least long enough to show you are a polite person who doesn’t just focus on herself. You ask Sigrid if her 5000 septim eyepatch does anything cool. If your senses are right, she still has two enchanted items on.

Nothing cool yet, she says. Obviously, I’ll want to deck it out eventually, but my usual go-to of charm enchantments is apparently evil now. I’ll probably spring for something super generic, like an auxiliary magicka reservoir. Nobody ever assigned morality to “more spells”.

And just to check… the skill-stealing magic isn’t going to become a new evil thing, is it?

It wasn’t stealing, it was just borrowing. The spell only lasts a couple hours, tops. And it was for a good cause! A person was really upset about all the money I took from them, and I had to defend myself until the guards could drag them away.

That’s not really that good of a cause, Stephane says.

You of all people should think it is! If I’m the gods’ chosen hero destined to save the world, then defending myself is effectively saving everyone. Anyway, it was a restoration spell. Nobody other than a necromancer is gonna claim restoration is evil.

Mmf, you say, hurriedly swallowing your gulp of flax as to not be impolite and talk with a full mouth. I’ve actually been studying restoration myself, trying to get a better hang of it.

Any particular branch, Stephane asks? He imagines as an Atronach, your main interest is magicka absorption spells. Though, skill absorptions like Sigrid used in her swordfight would make more sense for a traveling mage, given their broad utility.

Aaah, those are definitely on the docket, eventually? Right now, though, I’m trying to figure out how to cast Heal Minor Wounds.

This spell? Like the one from the kids book?

Yeah, that one.

Are you… certain you don’t already know it? It comes naturally to a lot of people. It can be hard to learn one author’s specific variant if you came up with a different one yourself.

Yeah, I’m… sure I’ve never cast a healing spell.

Mine looks like this. It’s not particularly flashy.

Or look at that! The hot frost atronach’s is holiday themed!

You reiterate that, yes, you’re quite sure you have never cast a healing spell.

Okay, but, it’s not hard. It’s definitely not hard compared to conjuring a skeleton or pulling off a successful dispell. Watch:

Have you ever used healing magic?

The flame atronach shakes her head.

Try casting a healing spell. If you don’t know where to start, just believe in yourself or something.

You have decided you are done being polite and are going to ask every question you have just to change the topic.

Additional resource credits:
Squiggles – the mural

You’ll tell them the truth later. Right now, this is your first time at a Mages Guild as an official member of the Mages Guild, and you want to make a good impression – which means not immediately whining about all your problems and asking for a bunch of help. If you’re going to drop in on them unannounced, you want to at least spend a little time being sociable and getting a read on the situation.

And speaking of getting a read on the situation: you do a quick scan of the room to check what’s going on behind the scenes.

The flame atronach looks to be summoned by Sigrid, while the hot frost atronach is connected to some flat circle in the other room. You sense what you think are a few enchanted items on Stephane and Sigrid, but it’s nothing close to what she was wearing in your last encounter. As far as you can tell, she wasn’t lying about holding onto the jewelry with protective enchantments and getting rid of the gear with charm spells.

You guess Kvatch is just… safe now.

So! What were these major plot events I missed? And, ah, would you happen to maybe have any neat alchemy things to recharge my magic again? If it’s no trouble.

Sigrid raises an eyebrow. What, were you planning on getting into a magic duel before bed or something?

Stephane reminds Sigrid that you’re an Atronach.

Oh, right. She’d almost forgotten that your annoying spell absorption was how you were able to end her evil reign. She didn’t know you were coming so didn’t prep anything impressive for magic restoration. She’ll just get you a… cup of flax seed.

As for what you missed, Stephane continues, we’ve been spending the day negotiating with various upset townspeople and making reparations where necessary.

We’ve mostly just been giving out free money, Sigrid says. Nobody was left that bad off. Honestly, it was a pretty normal level of power abuse for a Mages Guild.

You were mind controlling them!

Just to give me free stuff! It was basically taxes except everyone liked it.

We’re already funded by taxes! You can’t just arbitrarily take more from people.

I was also demonstrating a useful, practical application of magic, and improving the reputation of the Mages Guild. That’s the sort of thing we’re supposed to be all about, right?

To benefit the citizens of Tamriel. Things don’t become morally justified just because you used magic to do them.

And I’m not saying it was morally justified! I stopped! But you’re not getting on Kud-Ei’s case for running an entire guildhall dedicated to mind control spells.

You subtly tell the flame atronach that, yeah, okay, you can see it now.

Kud-Ei is a responsible practitioner of illusion magic. Her more powerful spells are explored purely for research purposes.

The flame atronach signs back to you: right?

Oh, so mind control “for research purposes” makes things fine, and taking money from people who are unhappy about it is fine, but mashing the two together suddenly makes you an evil sorceress.

You ask the flame atronach how she’s sitting on that wooden chair without burning it.

Yes! That should not be contentious to say! There are plenty of things that should remain in research, and things people should retain their ability to be unhappy about.

The flame atronach says that she had angry, rivalrous sex with the hot frost atronach the last time the wizards started going back-and-forth like this. They didn’t notice.

SO, you interject loudly. What’s the story behind the eyepatch?

I got into a swordfight.

She won a swordfight, Stephane clarifies.

I cheated, Sigrid further clarifies.

She used magic to enhance her abilities, Stephane even further clarifies.

I stole the swordfighting abilities from a random redguard in the crowd.

Oh, don’t do this, Steph. You have a crowd of people, and you have a split second to guess who’s been on a swashbuckling, high-seas adventure. Obviously, you pick the redguard.

You talked to him not even an hour prior. You knew he was a former privateer captain.

I talked to a lot of people! I’m not going to waste time remembering things I can assume from stereotypes.

Hold on, you say. Did you actually lose an eye, or…?

No, Sigrid says. I just realized eyepatches look amazing.

It’ll wear off when the skill absorption spell wears off, Stephane says.

It’ll never wear off. I bought this five thousand septim eyepatch to make sure.

Katia! You missed all the major plot events!

Whaaaat?

So many interesting and exciting things happened since you left! There was death, destruction, action, adventure, romance, drama! Even just as an insignificant background character, your presence would’ve been incredibly helpful. Would’ve, because it’s all over now. Anyway, come upstairs, we’re eating ice cream.

How’d the trip to Anvil go? You made it there and back faster than I would’ve expected.

Actually, I just kinda didn’t go? I was waiting for a friend who agreed to travel with me, but I wasn’t entirely sure when he was going to show up, so I decided to-

Sigrid clarifies that she wasn’t actually curious, she was just asking to be nice. The response she was looking for was “it went well”. Sorry, you say. She says it’s fine; she’s still re-learning how to get people to respond correctly without mind control. She’ll try to make it clearer next time.

Don’t forget to float that meat over to the hot frost atronach, which is a thing we have now instead of a cold closet. What is it, venison?

Mostly, but maybe also some wings? You explain that you went hunting with a new short-range lightning spell you picked up, but the specifics of which six animals you killed are kind of ambiguous.

Stephane, look! We got the whole guildhall together!

Oh, you say, making eye contact with Stephane. Are you guys… still friends? I’m not sure where we all stand right now, after the whole thing.

I’m helping her clean up the ramifications of her actions, Stephane says.

He’s still convinced I’m a destined hero chosen by the gods to save the world from certain destruction, Sigrid says.

I think a reasonable person would have to admit that her handling of today’s numerous situations showed a competence above that of an ordinary mage, he says.

He doesn’t recognize that most of that was pure luck, Sigrid says. What ice cream flavor do you want?

Ah, rocky road if you have it?

And if anything is a sign of divine favor, it would be unnatural luck, Stephane says.

I want them to fuck, the flame atronach says.

And how about you? Your trip to Anvil and back went well, I hope?

Oh! Actually, it…

Went fine!

For real though, you were invisible for three minutes. You are on a mountaintop, and can see the road from horizon to horizon. You’re pretty sure Asotil did not speed past you at eighty miles per hour during the brief period when you couldn’t see. You don’t have to worry about everything.

Maybe it was a little mean, but it was also pretty justified. At least you’re trying to be there for the one person who is relying on you. Though, admittedly that isn’t going great right now.

Or maybe you’re just in a bad mood. You’ve been sitting here since eleven in the morning, eating sweetrolls to the point where you’re completely sick of them, waiting for a friend who for all you know may have just left you here as a joke. You haven’t slept since the chapel fire, and with your newfound sobriety and lack of answers on your nightmares, you guess staying awake indefinitely is just your plan now. You’re very much craving a thick steak, a stiff drink, and a soft bed, but are determined to complete this delivery for Quill-Weave and show her that she wasn’t wrong to believe in you. Determined to set you apart from all the Asotils and Omen-spiders and aaaaarrrgghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.

Also while you’re being petty: your fur has not continued to make this rock soft and comfortable, these new boots have not been broken in yet, and your conflicted emotions are especially unpleasant now that they give you this annoying electric buzz feeling! Everything is objectively good but mildly uncomfortable and that is really frustrating!

Fuck you in particular, he gets a second one.

You aren’t ready to give up yet. There’s a part of you that’s still sure that, any moment now, he’s going to appear on the horizon. You’ll slump over the back of his angry horse, maybe take a tumultuous, nightmare-filled nap, and wake up at the coast to a happy and proud Quill-Weave. Everyone will know that you didn’t give up, and that you succeeded. You had everything planned out in your head, and it was going to be perfect. And maybe it can still happen.

But also you’re angry at the rock and your boots and the sweetrolls and daedra and magic and grrraaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

You want to break in these boots.

Additional resource credits:
Lauren Pham – music (“No Hope For Deer”)
DragonXVI – original song (“Hope For You Yet”)
AMKitsune – the javascript that was beyond me
TamLin123 – background trees and clouds, and that
one room that looks notably better than the rest
tomoaky – a plugin
Iavra – another plugin
Galv – more plugins
Zer – city rotation
BurakoIRL – Pastel Horizon palette
LucasDuff – a sound effect
Chiptone – the rest of them

So this call isn’t like… costing me anything, right?

The lilmothiit skeleton proudly explains that CairnCorp^® provides leyline rerouting services to all of the top twenty^[1]† planes and pocket realms^‡ free of charge. It comes at a slight mana cost to the Masters^®, but the analyghasts in marketing have found that helping customers reach out to Daedric entities is one of the most effective methods of discouraging customers from reaching out to Daedric entities.

Alright, yeah, I’m starting to understand that.

Hey. Hey! Calm down, it’s alright, you try to say to the Omen soothingly. The fox skeleton can’t hurt you. I’m pretty sure I remember one of them mentioning they’re not even real skeletons, just artificially-molded bones as part of some weird plane-wide Tales and Tallows aesthetic. Being afraid of them is like someone with a royalty phobia being afraid of a vaguely crown-shaped rock, which is a completely ridiculous and embarrassing thing you can’t imagine ever happening to anyone.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, the Omen says. It has one job and it is absolutely botching it. The creature stands up on shaking legs, wipes its general nose-like area, and does its best to put on a brave face, explaining that even if it can’t direct you to Vaermina directly, it is still a being of nightmare and may be able to answer your questions. You had concerns about a recurring dream, correct?

Yeah, I-

Actually, wait. Do you know anything about someone named Gaius Atrum?

He was having nightmares like mine, and Vaermina thought they were coming from someone other than her. She told him to reach out to her immediately if he found any more information, especially if his nightmares spoke to him – and my very similar ones did. Did Vaermina leave any directions for if Gaius reached out, or if someone else reached out about him?

Aaaah, how many centuries ago was this?

Like, one twwwwwwwelve-hundredth, if I did that right? It was last month.

Okay, well, I haven’t seen Her Dark Eminence in two centuries, so I might not be completely entirely up to date on the latest goings-on. But this does sound very important! If you’d like, I can share some of my favorite methods of coping with an inability to reach Vaermina.

Look, I can’t spend too long on this, my cloak blinds me and I need to watch the road for my friend. Can you put me in contact with an Omen who can put me in contact with Vaermina?

I, ahh, I don’t actually know any other Omens? I am sure they are very nice Daedra and I see them sometimes in the distant mists but I don’t know where they live or what important jobs the Mistress has bestowed upon them.

Can you connect me to a better Omen?

The skeleton clarifies for you that CairnCorp^® can only direct leylines to the plane itself^[2][3]. Once the leyline extends into the plane’s local existence, any further redirection will be at the discretion^‡† of the plane’s creator or any automated manalattices they created for such a purpose.

So let me get this straight: your entire purpose for existing is to respond to conjurers who reach out to Vaermina’s plane. But you don’t actually have any information about what Vaermina is doing, or any way to pass information to Vaermina. You haven’t even seen Vaermina in hundreds of years. Please explain to me how this is any better than the plane just being un-contactable, and your job any more useful than a brick wall.

Well, it’s, I’d like to think that contacting me is like a little gift from Vaermina. Because the empathetic bond will make you feel some of my fear, it lets you know that she thought about you, about this situation, and left you a present. And I think there’s something really special about that, about me, like a living reminder that Her Eminence wanted to give you an experience you’d remember. I am really happy with this.

I’m actually just invisible. All Khajiit can turn invisible, and we could be all around you.

No Asotil on the horizon yet. You weren’t invisible for that long; a few minutes of blindness won’t be enough to miss him if he comes past.

He’s fine. You even imagined him up one of those apples behind the Omen, because they looked good. He’s loving it. In your mind it tastes like cherries.

You are now the khajiit again.

The Omen slowly creaks half its eyes open and asks where you went. You explain that you put on your cloak of, ah… making you not show up over telepathic connections. Which is a thing that exists, cloaks of Not-Making-You-Show-Up-Over-Telepathic-Connections. Oh, whew, the Omen thinks with relief. For a second it thought kh-jiit could turn invisible now, which would be an absolutely terrifying new development. For it, it means. You’d probably like it.

It apologizes for the unprofessional introduction. It admits it has a slight phobia it’s still trying to get under control. This contact went far better than last one, though.

You tell it it’s fine; you can empathize. Should you hide the weird snake with cat ears and tiny arms too?

The Omen asks what snake. You suddenly realize you should probably be keeping better track of what is and isn’t imaginary, before this becomes a problem for you.

Although its fear is still palpable, the Omen puffs out its chest (?), puts on a brave face, and asks what business the conjurer before it seeks with the Lady of Nightmares and her plane of Quagmire.

Wasting no time, you delve into your plight. You explain that ever since you were a small child in Hammerfell, you’ve been plagued by terrifying nightmares about a shadowy king. Last time you slept, though, something about the nightmares changed. It’s as if the nightmare was suddenly trying to communicate with you. It told you not to be afraid of it, and – whatever it was sending that message – it told you it would “be back later”.

You aren’t sure what this means, but in a way, that’s what scares you most of all. Right now, your life is finally looking up. You have friends, you have money, and arguably you even have stable employment, at least insofar as you get free room and board as long as you lounge around and do basically any stereotypical wizard activity other than try to topple the Empire. Ideally, you want to figure out a way to end your nightmares, but you also want to be sure things aren’t about to somehow change for the worse. And if anyone would have answers to this, or knowledge about your nightmares at all, you assume it would be the Daedric Prince Vaermina.

The Omen nods. That makes a lot of sense, it thinks.

Well?

The Omen admits it’s not actually sure what it’s supposed to do next in this exchange.

You ask the Omen if it knows anything at all about your nightmares.

It explains that it’s not exactly… privy to deeper information like that. Its job is to answer incoming contact requests from kh-jiit. If the kh-jiit gets scared and leaves, then it goes back to waiting, and if the kh-jiit doesn’t leave, there’s probably something else it’s supposed to do. You ask it why it keeps pronouncing the word weirdly, even in a mental link, but it ignores the question.

Could you put me in contact with Vaermina?

The Omen wishes it could. It wishes more than anything that it had that sort of direct access to the being that created it. That it could gaze upon Her majesty and hear Her hundred voices directly, rather than merely looking upon a misty, distant citadel and imagining what transpires inside.

But, it also understands why this is denied it. As a creature of Vaermina, it understands that there is a beauty in longing, made stronger through torment. By wanting something forbidden to it, by striving to get something it cannot, that thing becomes more magnificent. It does not always understand Vaermina’s ways, but it thinks this is what it is supposed to feel, and assumes its lack of direction is because it is supposed to share that gift with you. We both may feel disappointed and powerless in this situation, but… maybe there is joy in that. Maybe, in our frustration, we are honoring Vaermina.

As it said, though, this is merely its conjecture. Vaermina is a Prince of Impossible Beauty and Unknowable Mystery. If a conjurer desires straightforward communication, they might find more satisfaction dealing with younger entities such as the Ideal Masters.

®, the lilmothiit skeleton adds.

Additional resource credits:
AMK – jumpscare

You try, for the many-thousandth time, to ingest one of the phrases. Perhaps your command over the dream-creatia has finally crossed the threshold where it can emulate taste? You did unlock the secret to making the glyph just earlier this century.

Additional resource credits:
AMK – third dimension magic