Jun 012024

Mrs.Edward wrote:
Katia! he just had his mind wiped and your rushing in asking about redirecting you to the front desk of the main source of nightmares!

FoxyShibata wrote:
Ask how the water is

Oh, right. Bi-hourly mindwipe.

Not wanting to be rude, you think about how you are Katia Managan (officially on file as “Slutty Meatsack”), a novice conjurer who is very happy to meet the skeleton and hopeful that you aren’t interrupting its swim. How’s the water?

The skeleton smiles with a warm reassurance that you are not impeding its assigned recreational activities[1]. Another one of the Makers’® glorious creations will simply take up the skeleton’s role for the remaining six laps the skeleton was preordained to swim before departing. As for the water, the pool is actually filled with lost souls undergoing the intermediate steps of Purification[2] – a lengthy but necessary‡†[3][4][5] process wherein they are stripped of their fears, sorrows, and diversity as to more clearly comprehend the perfection of the Makers® and their ways.

Sounds refreshing, you think in response. Anyway, you were wondering if the skeleton could help you get in contact with a Daedric plane?

threethirdcords wrote:
contact prince of nightmares and inquire on nights of terrifying royalty

Skeleton: Stonewall this fruity ass feline.

At first you are confused by the sudden sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but then you realize: what you are feeling is the skeleton’s impassioned concern for your wellbeing. It ponders the many ways in which dealings with Daedric entities and their associated planes can be highly dangerous[6]. Unlike CairnCorp®, which prides itself on providing a safe‡‡ and enjoyable‡‡† summoning experience with clear rules and friendly, supportive customer service[7], Daedra pride themselves in lies, half-truths, and taking advantage of those who reach out to them for aid[8]. While its bones shudder to think such things, the skeleton is even aware of rumors that Daedra will breach contracts they have signed.

You focus on your awareness of the dangers, but stress to the skeleton that you’re not looking for summoning or contracts – you’re looking for information. You’ve been plagued by strange nightmares since you were a little girl, and from what you’ve been able to figure out, Vaermina isn’t the one making them – but she might know who is. As much as you wish it were a problem the Soul Cairn could help with, not everything can be solved with a summoned skeleton.

The skeleton notes that CairnCorp® also offers an aesthetically tasteful‡‡‡ line of flying bonekin for problems where an ordinary bonekin is inadequate.

You regretfully note that this is also a problem that can’t be solved with flying skeletons. But ah, if it makes the skeleton feel any better, you’ve had pretty good luck with Daedra recently. Yesterday you licked one, and then earlier today you had a friendly conversation with one up until she put a corn cob on a grill and sat on it. Assuming the pattern holds, this next interaction with a Daedra might be almost normal.

Very well. Wishing you safety, the skeleton sends a prayer to the Chapel of Rerouting™ with directions to forward your leyline to an open representative in Quagmire. You are currently number 436 in line at the Chapel of Rerouting™.

Let me guess, it will take centuries to happen?

The skeleton estimates it will take about six minutes. It involves pushing a single button, but one bonekin handles all the requests.

Oh! Nice.

HalfLight wrote:
Prince?! Rip apart this connection immediately! You’re prey, stepping right into the maw of a *royal* predator. JEEKMA, VABA MAASZI LHAJIITO.

Doubt wrote:
Is that… A good idea?

No, it’s probably not a good idea. But if Gaius’ story is true, then Vaermina might be the only person (or, vaguely person-shaped otherworldly being) with any leads as to where your royalty nightmares are coming from. As for the P-word, you only used it so the skeleton would know what you were talking about. In your head, she’s just the goddess of nightmares.

As much as you’d like to just leave all this stuff in the past and just live your happy, new life as a Guild wizard… you can’t. Your past followed you. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to sleep, and then it’ll be right back to the nightmare that had you drinking yourself into a stupor for years. And sure, dealing with Daedra might be dangerous, and the chances of finding any actual answers are slim. But you have a motivation now that you’ve never had any point prior in your life:

Something to lose.

zapo wrote:
If you do manage to talk with Vaermina they would probably like to know about the weird glowing messages.

Doubt wrote:
Do you really think that the Daedric Prince of nightmares, Vaermina, will just let some rando she doesn’t know talk to her just like that? Even if she has the time to listen to you, what guarantees that she won’t instantly make you go insane or something the moment you let her into your mind?

That is a risk, yes. But it’s like Zapo said above: you have information she wants. She told Gaius that the nightmares’ creator would try to communicate eventually, and that he should contact her when they did.

The skeleton doesn’t understand who Zapo is.

Oh! Right, you… forgot the leyline was still open. You guess when thoughts come to your head you like to pretend they are from other people and give those people names. Your mind is pretty active, and while some of the thoughts are helpful, a lot of them are things like “have sex with that guy”, “randomly drop dead”, or “eat that book” (that one in particular comes up a disconcerting amount). If you pretend the thoughts are all being shouted out by a crowd of different people, it’s less weird than coping with the reality that your own fucked up mind is the one behind it all.

So the names are a sort of classification system, where thoughts of different types are assigned to different fictional entities and valued accordingly, the skeleton wonders?

No, not really. It’s complicated. Like, the only other thing Zapo ever said to me was that something may have happened to the Legionnaire I was planning to travel with, so I should be careful traveling alone. But that was something a lot of people said, so I didn’t really feel the need to acknowledge it from Zapo specifically? But, it’s not as if Zapo is the designated “tell Vaermina about the messages and don’t travel alone” person; it’s more that I give those particular thoughts more credence because Zapo and so many of the other fictional people all said it?

The skeleton asks if you’re alright. You tell it you don’t know.

Doug wrote:
You may want to have some kind of sacrifice or offering on standby. Does the skeleton know what the nightmare lord likes?

So, ah, I don’t suppose you know anything about what Vaermina likes? You explain to the skeleton that you want to make a good first impression, and a gift or other offering seems like a good start. You know she has an affinity for the finer arts, but the only thing you have in that vein is a pen, and you kind of don’t want to give it up, as it’s your only pen.

Memories, the skeleton responds.

How do you… give someone memories?

The skeleton explains that one common method is the use of Cairncorp’s® MAXCapacity™ Soul Gems, which are available at designated retailers[9] for the price of 500 septims (7530 Akaviri roundmarks). Thanks to Cairncorp’s® patented PowerCharge™ technology, simply handling your CairnCorp® MAXCapacity™ Soul Gem will cause it to absorb small‡‡‡† and replaceable‡‡‡‡ portions of your soul, which reviews left by Vaermina worshippers cite[10] is commonly sufficient to appease their Prince. This use is not encouraged or endorsed by CairnCorp®, and neither CairnCorp® nor its subsidiaries are responsible for any resultant injury, madness, or death that may arise from the misuse of its products and/or services. Your closest retailer of these misusable products is Baeralorn in Anvil.

The skeleton notes, however, that you are unlikely to be granted an audience with Vaermina herself. The Chapel of Rerouting™ will connect you to one of her Omens, who may forward your call further if your inquiry is judged as being of sufficient importance.