May 162011

tortoos wrote:
Explain the situation. Tell her you’ve been invited to a dinner party and plan on going, but there’s a countess there and you have an irrational fear of royalty. Ask her if there’s anything she could recommend you do to prepare yourself. Or perhaps how you should behave?

Armok wrote:
> Take a deep breath and quickly ramble out the entire curent situation in one long runon sentance.

Healy wrote:
>Katia, ask about etiquette. You are a fairly new arrival to this country and there may be dinner customs that you are unaware of.!

You explain that about an hour ago you were invited to a dinner party and you’re supposed to be there in a few minutes but you didn’t know it was actually a dinner party with a countess and you have an irrational fear of countesses and you don’t know why and you still want to go because you promised your friend you would go but you’re worried you are going to chicken out and…

… inhale …

…do something embarrassing and ruin everything so you want to know if there’s anything Trevaia can do to help you treat a phobia really fast. Please.

Trevaia checks that you’re just looking for something to make you braver for a couple hours. You say yes.

She tells you to wait here a minute. She has just the thing.

This is a Potion of Bravery. It’s magic. All you have to do is drink it and you’ll have the courage to face the rest of the night. She’ll give it to you free of charge.

You thank her, but say you’re pretty sure that’s actually just a bottle of water she’s giving you so you’ll trick yourself into facing your fear, only so afterwards she can reveal that it wasn’t a magic potion and the courage was within you all along.

Well yeah, she says, they can’t just hand out expensive potions like they are Tales and Tallows candy.

But really, you probably don’t need magic or anything. You seem like you have no problem facing your fears once you take that initial step. Just grit your teeth and dive in. She promises you that it won’t backfire disastrously.

You appreciate the encouragement. She’s probably right; you can do this. You admit that even beyond the phobia, though, you’re more than a little nervous about this. You’ve never been to a formal dinner – let alone one in Cyrodiil – and aren’t sure you know the proper etiquette. You ask her and the nearby town guard if they have any fast advice for what you should and shouldn’t do.

Trevaia says she didn’t know this was your first formal dinner. It turns out she and the guard have plenty of tips.

Keep your elbows off the table! Remember that the salad fork is the short one; Countess Umbranox hates it when people use the wrong fork. Don’t forget your thank-yous! Always compliment the chef if he enters the room. Assuming you’ve tasted the food already, that is.

As far as taboo conversation topics, Trevaia says to never bring up the Countess’ husband. The guard adds that you shouldn’t talk about the Imperial Legion either; she’s been having trouble with one of the soldiers. They both agree that if Archmage Traven is attending the dinner, DO NOT talk about Kvatch.

The guard says to also not bring up the pineapple thing.

Wait, pineapple thing? Trevaia says she overheard some mention of it…

The guard tells her it’s really hard to describe with words. But really impressive. But he can draw it, if she’s curious.

Oh. Oh wow, you say. Thanks for the help you two. I’ve got to get to the castle so I’ll just… leave you guys to that, then.

You ask another guard for directions and find your way to the castle easily enough. Luckily, it’s a pretty short walk from the chapel.

It’s been a long time since you’ve been in a castle. They are just as large and maze-like as you remember. You quickly look around the main room but don’t see Quill-Weave anywhere.

Looks like some castle workers over here though.

  • some random dude

    hey! this guard isn’t bro fisting himself!

    • Snout

      I thought just the same thing. “Heywait, this is the first time he’s not fisting — owait, that could be misheard. Er.” .. *shamefaced*

    • Uknown

      He actually is in the first two panels

    • dtlux14

      “You ask another guard for directions and find your way to the castle easily enough.” Not the same guard.

  • matty406

    “The guard tells her it’s really hard to describe with words. But really impressive. But he can draw it, if she’s curious.”

    • Zerp

      This page just makes me wonder even MORE what this mythical trick is. Will we ever get to see it??

      • NikolaiReznov

        No, and that’s the joke. It’s some ridiculous trick that the reader will never see directly, but will always hear various details about, leaving it to their imagination. It’s actually a frequently used writing device.

        • NoriMori

          Yeah, it’s called a Noodle Incident. The trick is the Noodle Incident, and the pineapple and whatever the other thing is (I forget), are the Noodle Implements.

          • Maximum Mod

            The other thing was a yoyo, IIRC

          • Sly

            Noodle Incident? Like from Calvin and Hobbes?

        • David Kim



          • PersonPerson

            NO! BAD USER. BAD.

  • Moonwalker

    omg, the blush seriously made that picture alooot funnier!

  • Anonymous

    “You you appreciate the encouragement.” Just thought I’d point that out.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, and “She’s promises you that it won’t backfire disastrously.”

    • Kazerad

      Fixed! Thanks.

      Man, it is super embarrassing when something like that goes unnoticed for so many months. Thousands and thousands of people have read my dumb typos by now. D=

  • Skelitor

    Isn’t that dude the Grey Fox?

    • RedRockRun

      ***SPOILER ALERT***

      Corvus Umbranox, yes.

  • sigfloyd

    Educated guess, the Kvatch Mage’s Guild is one of the bankrollers of the Mythic Dawn? Perhaps sold out the town to them to pave the way for the invasion?

  • PriffyViole

    I’m guessing the Kvatch Mages guild had something to do with Necromancy, since Traven apparentally hates that.

  • patrick

    that guard completely freaked me out cause i couldn’t find him when he switched sides for a sec. that guard though is pretty epic.

  • qwerty

    The guard is now my favourite character in this comic.

  • Rebookah

    It says “Look like some castle workers over here though.” It should say “Looks like some castle workers are over here though.”

    • Kazerad

      You might have found the last typo in the entire story. Of course, I said that about the last person who found a typo, and the person before her, but now you might have seriously done it. Or at least, you will hold this title of “Found the final typo” until someone else finds another.

      Be proud.


    yay guard lines 😀

  • Tormuse

    Does a grammatical error count as a typo? 😉

    “It turns out her and the guard have plenty of tips.”

    It should be “It turns out *she* and the guard have plenty of tips.”

    You can tell which pronoun is appropriate by removing “and the guard.” “She has tips” makes more sense than “Her has tips.”

    • Kazerad

      Whoops, don’t know how that happened. Thanks, fixed!

  • Extraal

    Hey Katia… Extraal is also a fellow Kahjiit. Extraal knows that this chapter of your story is… quite outdated.. and he is sure that there are much more recent ones he could be posting this on.. but Extraal is curious.. exactly what is involved in the pineapple and yo-yo trick? Extraal is sure he might have a couple of Cyrodiilian Septims on him if you would be so kind as to show him.

  • MentallyUnstable

    For fucks sake! What is the pinapple and yoyo thing already?

    • Pel Talapos

      You’ll never know, you can only imagine it.

  • dtlux14

    Oh god. The gaurd can draw good I guess.

  • Pel Talapos

    Doesn’t it seem a tad anachronistic to have a guard with a pencil & spiral notebook in a medieval fantasy setting?

    • Kazerad

      The notebook is full of parchment and the spiral is made of swords!

      • Guest

        Wait what?

        • Pel Talapos

          Kazerad probably meant that the spiral is made of metal recycled from swords, but Kazerad didn’t explain where the pencil came from.

  • Djinnfest

    Potion of Bravery?
    Sounds highly suspect…
    Hmph. Must be one of those awkward mixtures.

    Oh god he’s drawing indecent things in the chapel!
    Good lord, man, have you no shame?