Apr 262011

NathanGraves wrote:
>Imitate their weird pose to show them you come in peace

Aelyrin wrote:
He must be talking about that girl Quill-weave had mentioned.
See if we can get some information about her.

Zahrasha? You heard there was someone in town who looked kind of like you. Does she come by here?

Oh, no, the wizard explains. Zahrasha is just one of his Khajiit friends from up at the university. You look a lot like her. Not because all Khajiit look the same or anything! That would be incredibly racist and inappropriate.

That’s okay, you say, it’s probably just the lighting. Anyway, I’m Katia. I recently acquired some unusual… magic problems. Whenever I get offended by a cat joke, even one I thought up myself, stuff catches on fire –

PavlovianCat wrote:
> I know you might be apprehensive about these wizards Katia, but you might as well just let the cat out of the bag.

Skelatox wrote:
To be honest I don’t give a cat’s ass about these stupid puns.

KamikazeScotsman wrote:
Katia: Be a good kitty and don’t claw the tapestries! That could cause big purr-blems fur you.

Taveena wrote:
Tell the truth. Whenever the voices in your head make a cat-based insult, something catches fire. Sure, you’ll sound crazy, but at least they’ll purr-bably believe you’re a wizard.

Mono99099 wrote:
And if you don’t have good results now, just go and take another catnap and come back later.

– kind of like that.

You dig uncomfortably into your past and tell the wizard everything. You explain that you’ve never been able to use magic, despite trying your hardest to learn how when you were younger. When you started to get really frustrated, your parents even had you tested by some wizards. They said you’d never be able to use magic, but they didn’t know why. One of them suggested it might be a treatable disease called “astral vapors”, but even the most expensive medicines didn’t help you. You’ve kind of tried to forget about that time in your life.

Sometimes fires would start around you, but you figured it was caused by someone or something else. But then yesterday it started getting… worse. The fires got bigger, and yesterday you almost got killed because of it. You guess the fires got worse after you touched this sparkly blue thing you found in some ruins? It was kind of a dumb, impulsive move on your part, and you promise you won’t touch mysterious magic things in the future.

The wizard strokes his lack-of-beard thoughtfully. He says it is quite the puzzling predicament, but he has a theory. He needs to know when you were born. You give him your full birthday: 8th of Sun’s Dusk, 413.

He tells you to wait here; he has to check the library for a book. He also wants to see if his amulet collection is still here. If he’s right, he thinks you’ll like what he has to say. Just give him a few minutes.

With the wizard out of the room, you let your arms down to rest for a bit. You choke out a nervous laugh and tell the elf woman that just yesterday, you were still genuinely convinced that people needed a long beard to use magic. She tells you that’s very silly. Wizards work with open flames all the time; for a magic user to even consider having facial hair, he’d have to be… mad! Frankly, she wouldn’t even use magic if she had fur. Not to be racist or anything. You tell her it’s okay, you understand.

GeneralMister wrote:
and ask for a job. A simple one.
Maybe even just gathering alchemy ingredients from outside town.

You confess that you are also a bit short on cash, and looking for a way to get some spare spending money. Or eating money. You’d be very interested if the guild needs anyone to run errands, or collect plants in the fields outside of town.

She says that she can’t think of anything they need right now. They’ve mostly been doing research and the occasional healing job that the chapel can’t handle. The roads are relatively safe as of late, making ingredient collection a rather enjoyable and scenic activity. The coast in particular is beautiful at this time of year. Occasionally other people do stop by the guildhall looking to get more unusual ingredients, of course.

Ah, how opportune! There’s Matt. He’s a chef who specializes in traditional Argonian cuisine, which she understands is spiced with poisons that would be lethal to most species. He stops by every once in a while to buy more ingredients. Hi Matt! Don’t forget to wipe the marinara sauce off that kitchen knife.

What a nice boy. Hannibal says we have to triple our prices for some reason when selling to Matt, so maybe he’d be willing to buy ingredients from you if you’re interested?

You tell her that’s okay, you think you will find someone else to work for. She says that’s fine, it’s your choice. Anything else she can help you with while you wait?

  • Titanium

    am i the only one here

    • BradNeko14

      no lol

  • archaic


  • 413

    • Brandik


      • Brandik

        Never forget

        • Uknown


          • dtlux14


  • Irv

    I knew I loved this from the moment we first met Katia at the docks – but it’s melancholic humor and commentary just mad everything even better-er. Quill-Weave’s earlier comment is absolutely right; we writers delight in terrible things happening to good people things, and this goes doubly so for Katia – who I really do want to succeed; far more so than any ‘epic’ protagonist who is guaranteed endless power and success regardless of his (and it almost always is a he, isn’t it?) choices.

    Seems like things are looking up for her, but I don’t know where things’ll go from here. I realize there’s more left, and it’s on-going – but it’s late here and I need to take a… Cat-nap? Eh? Eh? S-sorry. Your perspicacious wit and social commentary (the vapors? Oh, dear-) are awesome. I really look forward to reading more of this story. Please continue to tell it with your style and humor – I’ll be rootin’ for Katia as much as I root for all of us.

    • Anonymous

      Astral Vapors are social commentary, Irv? I don’t think I get it. Astral Vapors is a disease that is known to stunt and damage your magicka. It makes sense that she would potentially be diagnosed with it if she was lacking in magicka. Is the social commentary here “doctors tend to diagnose their patients in a manner that is completely reasonable”?

  • Zerp

    “Marinara sauce” Yes. That is what that is. And he is definitely a chef. Just look at that knife. PERFECT for chopping up vegetables.

  • Heru

    Why has she not asked them where their beards are?

  • s

    She’s 20!

  • Rodrigo

    Disregard Assassin. Acquire poisons.

  • Hone

    She was born under the sign of the atranoch?

    • Tech


  • JustImprovise

    >You give him your full birthday: 8th of Sun’s Dusk, 413.
    >8th of Sun’s Dusk, 413


    • DovahkiinthePony

      I’m still here in the dark, and it’s annoying. What references? In the back of my mine someone is telling me it’s obvious.

      • DovahkiinthePony


        • Mothy

          It’s an arc number in Homestuck, which this comic bases its style on.

  • CaspianRoach

    …I just realised that they hold their arms like that because it’s how player character in Oblivion holds them when you ready your magic up. That made me laugh for about eighteen seconds.

    • manarim

      That was very exact.

  • Mr. Whatever

    Looks more like how the PC uses magic in Morrowind to me.

  • Ah she was born under the sign of the Atronach! Now it makes sense. She doesn’t generate magicka and that’s why she didn’t seem to have any when tested by wizards!

  • Squid

    I’m just going to point out here that i really really love the mspa-based/homestuck-y quality of the comic. That combined with The Elder Scrolls just makes it the best :3c

    • SoPoR SyCoPhAnT


  • um

    may 8, 413 Honorius signs for tax relief.
    (from Wikipedia, lol)

    • um

      Only problem is month equivalent.

  • ShadowOfTheDark

    Matt….. Would that happen to be Mathieu Bellamont? Looks kinda like him, what with the robes and hood and all.

  • David Kim

    “Khajiit thinks Destruction magic is best kind of magic”

  • P.

    Its hard to believe I just started reading this yesterday (there goes 2 hours of my life I’m never getting back) and I feel as though if I stop reading this I will be the next thing that spontaneously combusts. Funny thing is I read this because I can relate to many things that happens in this story (things like being a screw-up that nobody can count on). *Sigh* Now if you’ll excuse me, I must get going before the hate mail arrives. I don’t know why but every time I say, or rather type, something like this someone out there will start the hate mail.

  • Cheesedragon

    “For a magic user to even consider having facial hair, he’d have to be… mad!”

    I came reading this, because the only character in Oblivion with facial hair is Sheogorath, Prince of Madness

    Thank you Kazerad….

    • Kazerad

      That is a really weird reaction to getting a joke, but you are welcome!

  • ArtisticBliss

    413. Hahaha.

  • Jorin Gedamke

    I know this is late, but why does Katia keep her hands up after it states that she’s put them down?

  • Guest

    Acquire Septims