Jul 082011

Arf wrote:
>Katia: Acknowledge your acrobatics issue and make a mental note that after your trip to Kvatch, Quill Weave should teach you some.

It’s not an issue, it’s just… something you’re not so good at. Nothing says that your kind has to be good at jumping… or, more specifically, landing.

It doesn’t really matter anyway. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be jumping from great heights on a regular basis or anything. That would be silly.

Rarborman wrote:
Ja’khajiit, you say good morrow to that syffim right this second.

Okay okay, no need to get all Khajiiti about it. You’re actually looking forward to seeing him again.

You limp over to the soldier and excitedly greet him. You hope you’re not late! You explain that you tried to get over here as quickly as possible but you hurt your leg and that slowed you down a little and also you had to make a detour by an outhouse, but you couldn’t find the outhouse so you just ended up using someone’s flower box, which you understand is technically okay and also I don’t believe I caught your name, Mr. Imperial Legionnaire?

The soldier says he is merely a soldier of the Imperial Legion – a single piece of the noble fighting force that upholds righteousness and defends the glorious Empire for the good and safety of citizens such as yourself. And don’t worry about being late, he says, you’re actually a bit early.

epoxy wrote:
> Mention to A.S.I.T.I.L. that you could really use a “Potion of Undoing Minor Injury” (or something). Does he have one that he could lend/sell/trade you? If not, could you stop at a potion shop where he could buy one and then lend/sell/trade it to you?

Oh, you say, cool. In that case: you wouldn’t happen to know where I could get a tiny healing potion or something, would you? Like, just a sip? I jumped out a window on my way here. Accidentally.

Asotil (as you have started calling him in your head) raises an eyebrow. Potions? Surely, a novice mage such as yourself knows a healing spell for occasions such as this?

You confess that you don’t know any actual spells yet. You apparently have some kind of aptitude for magic, but you haven’t found someone to teach you how to focus it. Until you can afford some training, you’re really a pretty crappy excuse for a wizard.

Asotil puts a heavy, armored hand on your shoulder.

Citizen, do you know how I became strong enough to serve in the Imperial Legion, one of the most selective and skilled combat forces in all of Cyrodiil?



But also practice. And after I joined the legion, mostly practice. I didn’t get where I was today by waiting around for some so-called expert to tell me all the secrets. No, I learned my lessons one decapitated minotaur at a time. And that’s how you will learn: by killing.

Asotil walks past you and approaches a rock. We’ve got some time, citizen. What’s your magic thing? You must be able to do something, or you wouldn’t be wearing a robe and carrying a staff.

You reply that you set stuff on fire with your mind. You’re not very good at controlling it, though…

THESE are your enemies. These fruits have wronged you, murdered your family, and committed atrocities against innocent civilians. Like all criminals, they are now target practice.

This is a deadly poisoned apple, taken from the corpse of a Dark Brotherhood assassin himself.

The poisoned apple is their boss! He is also target practice, but is worth more.

At least I’m preeeeetty sure that’s the poisoned one.

Yup, it must be.

Alright wizard, let’s see you learn something. Go stand a hundred feet away and light these up.

You’re not really sure if you can do the fire thing long-range, you say.

He says to try anyway. The two of you have exactly sixteen minutes to kill before setting off for Kvatch, which is plenty of time for killing criminals. Even fictional criminals that are actually just apples.

Fakeimposter wrote:
Take off your amulet, Katia!

Well then.

You wanted some practice. Let’s see what you can do.

  • Suraru

    “Citizen, do you know how I became strong enough to serve in the Imperial Legion, one of the most selective and skilled combat forces in all of Cyrodiil?



    Best quote in the entire series!

    • NecroBob

      I literally fell on the floor laughing.

    • Rodrigo

      That face above the “drugs” is really THAT epic.

      Also, he tasting the “non-poisonous” apples. XD

      • Djinnfest

        “Taking a bite out of crime”

    • Amon

      I fucking lost it.

  • John Dalby

    I agree. The second time I laughed out loud because of this comic, was the drugs thing.

    • Aero

      What was the first? The flash movie where Asotil appears?

  • Titanium

    He sure /seems/ drugged up at times.

  • Dubbins

    How did he know he had exactly 16 minutes to kill?

    • Skullman

      He’s secretly a Space Marine. He just traded fighting heresy with fighting for justice.

  • Scy

    Let’s do this.
    Where making this- CAT-ASTROPHE!

  • Jebediah Oldenheimer


    You could’ve ended the chapter (?) right there.
    Nay, you should’ve.

  • Toxikon

    “…taken from the corpse of a Dark Brotherhood assassin…”

    Surely this mere patrolman hasn’t killed a son of Sithis?

    • Dragatus

      Mere patrolman? Sir, you are talking about A Soldier Of Thhe Imperial Legion!

      • Dalen Vreth

        Your point being? It would take a hoard of his ilk to take down a true child of Sithis! Clearly one of them just got careless or thought it’d be funny to leave a bunch of poison apples around the place…. which it would be! Yay!

    • SotiCoto

      Remember Mathieu Bellemont … a.k.a. Matt the “Chef”?

      If you’ve done the Dark Brotherhood quests in Oblivion, you’ll have a good idea why there might be dead DB assassins around town…

      Mr mother-complex has been busy.

  • Dragnauv

    Oh god, my own character used to be in the Dark Brotherhood. That guard killed me.

  • Moonwalker

    i really like the skull effect on the apple in the animated pic…..

    also this target practice without control of your own magic hitting targets far from you, makes me think of the target practice scene in the X-men movie:first class….

  • dow

    I hope she’s feline pretty good about this.

    I was kind of hoping someone would mention her having to hop around nonstop to incease her acrobatics.

  • FoaL

    The drugs face was good, but I lol’d at him taking a bite from each apple.

  • brofist

    why is Asotil so goddomn funny

  • evileeyore

    Asotil is the best “secondary” character I’ve read in a long time. His lines are the stuff of epicry!

  • FireHeart

    The drugs thing caught me off guard and then the apple thing got me really good. Funniest panels so far.

  • unsteddy

    He…he fuckin…ATE a bit of every other apple to check that he was right about the one poisoned one…I…can’t…breath…XD

  • Periless_Paradigm

    Maybe you cvan concentrate your energy and shoot a furball…okay it was bad but you’ll never know when youll need it

  • Rob

    not enough CRIMINAL SCUM!

  • patrick

    obviously every imperial guard looks up to this man. that would explain why they are very similar to him, but not as epic as him.

  • FuzzyZergling

    This is, in my humble opinion, one of the top two funniest pages in 2011.
    The other being the one with the black cats.

  • takunta

    you know how i joined the imperial guard?

    how? *cute face*

    *epic face*

    this is the official high point of the series. that face. and drugs.

  • Jessica U. Ingmann

    Oh Katia… why did you go and YANK the damn amulet off? Dramatic flair? XD

  • Sindri

    This page. It is the best thing. Any doubts I had about continuing to read, or about the value of the character of the soldier, or the direction the plot was going… this page has burned them away.

  • Lineo

    the artist sneaked his arm back in 😀

    • Tormuse

      It returned from patrol just in time to land comfortingly on Katia’s shoulder. 🙂

  • Kenny

    I’m in love with this Imperial soldier. Almost fell out of my chair laughing at “Drugs.” He is truly a noble soul committed to true justice and helping out ordinary citizens like Katia and expecting nothing in return. I salute you, good sir. Long live the Empire.

  • PersonPerson

    What a twist, I laughed quite a bit.

    Also, did she just tear off her amulet?

  • Kajex

    “It doesn’t really matter anyway. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be jumping from great heights on a regular basis or anything. That would be silly.”

    The next day…


    It should be noted that this link contains spoilers, since it’s referring to a later page in the comic! – the moderation

  • Voice of random

    Winners always use drugs.

  • Drugs.

  • MentallyUnstable

    Asotil, badass incarnate.

  • pheoniz

    Well, the drugs do explain a lot about his… Unique personality.

  • dtlux14