Jul 302011

BADEND wrote:
1) I can’t help but to notice that there are four more apples there
2) Asotil didn’t place them on the rocks for ornamental purposes
3) One lucky shot does not make you a pro

The_Codfish wrote:

BADEND wrote:
You need stupid cat puns and cat insults to power this, right? Well, I still legitimately think you throw fireballs like a kitten padding around a yarn ball while high on catnip…

Niall wrote:
Do that again. Don’t even stop to think, just cast another one. Keep the flow going.

BADEND wrote:
… and with a tummy-tum tum-tum full of saucer milk. So, furr god’s sake, light some sick fires and get some more purr-actice already.

kylus wrote:
now take out the boss apple.

Okay, you exaggerated a bit on that last one. The apple actually just sort of tumbled off to the side after you hit it. But it still probably looked pretty badass.

In fact, that was all pretty badass. You suspect throwing little fireballs isn’t a big deal to real wizards, but you’re fairly proud of this accomplishment. A few months ago, you never would’ve thought you could do something like this. Heck, a few days ago you never would have thought you could do this. And it feels great. Like you’re one step closer to leaving your old life behind.

masonthekiller wrote:
Success! This calls for a drink!

It really does.

IronSaber48649 wrote:
Okay, we have demonstrated proficiency in fire-slinging, but we must continue our journey.

You head back to Asotil and thank him for the encouragement. You really didn’t think you had that in you, and probably would’ve given up without his help.

He says you are very welcome. The Legion is always happy to provide the Tools necessary for citizens to uphold Justice in Times of Potential Darkness.

You guess you should probably head for Kvatch now? You aren’t sure how much magicka you have, but you don’t want to use it all up.

Asotil says there is still several minutes before you must depart, and your practice is not over yet. You have shown admirable aptitude and enthusiasm in your Delivery of Justice.

Now it is time for you to kill.

Excuse me?

Asotil leads you down to the shore.

These are mudcrabs. They are vile creatures that accost citizens regardless of criminal status. Upon sighting an innocent civilian they will slowly meander toward their unwilling victim and, if unstopped, will pinch him or her with their claws. In addition, these beasts have committed the unforgivable crime of being mudcrabs, which is punishable by death.

That doesn’t sound like a real crime to you, but Asotil insists it is in the legal books. The law serves the citizens, and the citizens hate mudcrabs.

And now you must put an end to their criminal ways.

While you do that he’s going to go get his horse. It rained last night, so he suspects he will have to redraw the horse’s angry eyebrows. Try to take care of those criminals before he gets back.

  • Razortail

    It’s almost like he’s suggesting… He’s faced mudcrabs more fearsome than you!

    That’s okay though, now the roasting of crabs and accrual of exp begins!

    • Cruxador

      That’s not how experience works in Elder Scrolls. She likely gained Destruction experience for the apples too.
      But gaining in power in a medium like this is mostly a perception-based thing, not a numbers-based thing, so the apples in fact probably contributed a lot more, since they were first.

      • Cliff_Racer

        Nonsense. She just needs to spam fireballs and she’ll be a master wizard in no time.

        • FoaL

          Your spells have to affect someone/something for you to gain experience in it.

          • Anza

            Not true. Unless the rock I blasted countless times was affected somehow.

          • Sanyiel

            That’s only in Skyrim. In Morrowind and Oblivion, you just have to cast them to level up the skill.

          • patrick

            you can easily become a master at acrobatics just by constantly jumping everywhere you went.

          • Zerithos

            Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni… You can fireball or conjure or heal whenever on whatever you want and you’ll still get experience in the skill. Just as long as you use magicka. Not true, however, for Blade/blunt/block etc.

          • Worm Anchorite

            Oooor Destruction. You have to hit something living with your Destruction spells,, as they counts as way of combatting- like Blunt and Blade. Healing and Detect Life from Restoration and Mysticism affects yourself, so they do affect something… And Acrobatics is something COMPLETELY different.

          • Gig

            Actually, Foal is right when concerning Oblivion. However, every combat-related skill gives you experience just by using it – you even get blade experience by swinging in the air. Of course, you get VERY LITTLE unless you actually HIT something. You’re not going to get a full level from swinging your damned sword in the air, although if you’re on the cusp you might.
            When it comes to spells, the spell must simply hit the target. For any spell with self target, free exp. Touch and Target must land to give reasonable experience. I’ve tested this for myself, feel free to load up Oblivion to double check.

          • Jindrow

            The guide book states that casting a spell at a rock does not work. This is way when you make spells you can make self afflicting destruction spells.

    • some random dude

      what haven’t you hears about that mudcrabs can kill unicorns with ease?

      • Jebediah Oldenheimer

        Even ones with flames painted on their sides?

        That fuck homeless drunken Khajiit women?

        • I think it depends on the mudcrab.

  • Armok


    AWE. SOME.

  • Grumbles

    I saw a mudcrab the other day.

    • Loki

      Nasty creatures.

      • CarelessAntics

        Stop talking!

        • Dagon


          • Cadvin


          • Titanium

            I’m hungry.

          • Fargoth

            I have a feeling we’re going to become very close.

          • Dalen Vreth

            I’ve never read any of Quill-Weave’s writings. I’ve heard they’re fairly good, though.

    • der

      They say syndicates of wizards have led a boycott of imperial goods in the lands of the Altmer.

      • NuVanDibe

        The Altmer have powerful wizards. It could become a dangerous situation.

        • Chonks

          I’ve heard others say the same.

          • Aurion

            [COUGH, HACK]

    • Dalen Vreth

      I’ve heard Nerevarine has left Morrowind on an expedition to Akavir and has not been heard from since.

      • Salamore

        So much nostalgia…

  • Draan

    Craaaab muds, craaab muds, taste like crab, looks like mud

    • Titanium

      I can totally see that as a MrWeebl song.

  • Mouse

    Hit them with fire of course. So you can eat them later! Also, I can’t seem to log in on the MSPA forums for some reason, and I don’t see a password reset.

  • Pirate_Steve

    Look at those crabs. They look like jerks.
    Big crabby jerks.

    I bet they’ve never suffered an existential crisis in their lives.
    While you’ve suffered, they’ve just been hanging out, enjoying carefree mudcrab lives.
    Are you going to let them get away with this?

  • Grapeape

    Katia: Enforce the law.

  • someone

    Why is Asotil the greatest character ever written? Why? He’s just like being there, being the awesomest, hammiest looney to ever tread a fictional world, and he is always hilarious. And, oddly, wise and helpful at the same time.

    • Kaor

      The only way he could be any hammier is if he was played by BRIAN BLESSED.

  • Cadvin

    Ohmygod he draws angry eyebrows on his horse!

    This had better be a feature in Skyrim.

  • Anon44

    This just went from awesome to super extra deluxe awesome. With cheese.

    • Legends12


    • Terumitsu

      This calls for a celebration! Cheese for everyone!

      …Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. That’s just as much cause for a celebration if you don’t like cheese!

      • Sheogorath

        You’ve run a maze like a good little rat, but no cheese for you yet.
        …Well, maybe a little.

  • Man ain’t no Mudcrab ever hurt nobody for reals sheeeeeeeeiiiiiii

  • BigFrank

    (Mud)Crab Battle!

    • DocTabasco


  • puffaliaz

    There is a larger crab and a smaller crab… obviously male and female. By their positions, we can assume the male is courting the female. it would be wise to preserve your mana. Wait for them to start mating, and take them out together.. half the mana required (plus some knowledge of mud crab mating habits)

  • ShadyKat

    They are just mudcrabs. No harm in killing them……right?

  • FDJustin

    Hahaha, gotta love the final apple closeup! It’s sweating!

  • Theokid

    A horse…. with angry eyebrows…NEED MOD

  • Legends12

    so what are her approximate stats?

    • Moose

      Blunt 2
      Acrobatics 1/2
      Fortitude 1/2
      Destruction 5
      Shields 1
      Fashion Design 100
      Penmanship 25
      Art 75

    • insertnamehere

      by the looks of it, 1 in everything but destruction magic…

      • insertnamehere

        huh… i guess i underestimated her.

    • Legends12

      so we have a little while before we get to see level two…

  • Laufente

    I SO can’t wait to see his horse XD

  • Nezumi

    Use the hatchet — or machete, if you prefer. Mud crabs aren’t very tough, and you don’t know how much Magicka you have left — save that for when you’re facing something nastier.

  • Nezumi

    Hey! You have claws and all. Maybe you could even beat the mudcrabs with your bare hands?

  • Nezumi

    They’re mudcrabs. A little girl could kill them with a particularly pointy stick.

    • Nezumi

      Oh, god, you’re totally going to take that one out of context if she fails, aren’t you?

  • SushiJaguar

    Why is she wagging her tail? She’s a CAT.

    • Cadvin

      My cats actually swish their tails from side to side when they get happy. It’s when it starts flicking with the tip twitching that you have to watch out. And god forbid they tuck it beside their bodies while standing, because it means they’re ready to KILL.
      I just spent a minute recalling and typing out cat tail habits for the internet. OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

    • Kazerad

      No she’s not!!


  • TomatoLicense

    Before you get too attached to the little buggers, focus on the freaky eye stalks and creepy mouthy-bits.

  • Eyebrow horse = Next big meme

  • justme

    Asotil draws angry eyebrows on his horse! That just made him ten times more awesome in my book.

  • Gavinfoxx

    I cannot endorse these suggestions to NOT use magic on the mudcrabs. You have to practice your capability and willingness to use magic to *take a life*. Now, you might be able to use magic to basically ‘win the fight’, and render them unable to take any hostile actions at all (be sure they aren’t playing dead!), and then close to melee, if you want. I, however, would just work on using magic to directly take a life. That is a potential behavioral or conceptual barrier that you need to get past, if you want to adventure! You live in a very, very dangerous world, after all.

  • kil

    Their legs look kind of like long gangly teeth on a king’s crown.

    But anyway, they Are pretty slow, so it shouldn’t be hard to run away if they end up being tougher than they look.
    Also there is a chance they can give you swamp fever, so be careful. <:

  • Chris

    It seems a little hard to conjure up fireballs.. Don’t you think it would be easier to just cough some hairballs at them?

  • Dood Shadowskin

    Ah. Your first battle with mudcrabs. Take it from a Magicfist, it is better to just punch (or in your case, CLAW) the little ones to death.

    And you RUINED the poison apple! All that planning, RUINED!

    • Moose

      I’m sure that when we get back to anvil they’ll be a mysterious dead body near our practice range for no particular reason.

  • Das kraken

    You probably used up all your magicka with that. Go claw their eyes out instead

  • Rajhin

    Try to drown them.

  • JellyMan

    >Cats like fishes, right? Those things are kinda close to being fish.
    >Proceed to eat the mudcrabs.

  • Viveka Sick-Fires

    >Hit the crabs with your axe/hatchet thing and aim for the eyes. Then just keep attacking it’s tiny face.
    >After see if you can cook the tastey, tastey meats with your sick fires.

  • Gavinfoxx

    ARGH, WHY are so many people saying to use the axe?! These people do NOT know what they are talking about. Yes, you should, in general, conserve magic. HOWEVER, they seem to think that the step of actually intentionally taking the life of an animal is ‘no big deal’. It IS a big deal, at least the first time you do it. As best as I can tell, you have led a life sheltered from the need to give overt violence. You need to practice the killing instinct, using the thing that gives you an advantage over others — MAGIC. So at the very very least, use magic to completely incapacitate them, and then go in for the coup de grace.

  • Iarei

    Letting the mud-crabs go would probably be construed as aiding and abetting by Asotil. Also it’s not like Catia’s a pacafist, she’s just a bit of a scaredy cat. Fire is the proper way to handle the crabs… they broil without penetrating the shell, and Catia’s not in the fighter’s guild for a reason. Also… get Asotil to craft you some sweet chitin boots from those. “Scuttle Step Sabots” Fortify Agility +5 , slight chance of scuttle.

  • Unlusty Argoinian

    You are now the Mudcrab on the right, nicknamed Muddy: You have a seething hatred of all things not mud. Recent loud and bight lights have agitated you. Something is in your territory and it’s time for a pinching.

    • Unlusty Argonian

      (an edit button would be great. Can’t spell my own name.) 🙁

  • BeatD

    … Asotil’s leaving? That big hunk of a guardsman?

    Welp, time to face that big hunk of an orc again. Can’t wait to see him fire lightning out of his tight rock-hard abs or something.

    • Link

      He’s only gonna be gone for as long as it takes to draw angry eyebrows on his horse and then ride back =P

  • Kalas

    >Go into the throes of Speechcraft and convince the mudcrabs to fight each other.

  • Calkhi

    Katia, put your paws out twards the crabs, concentrate on your magica and will it to flow out of you and into the air in front of you.
    Concentrate on the massive ball of magica and will it to burst into flame and then throw it at the crabs…then enjoy tasties crabs meats!
    Or you could just run at them with your axe with a murderess look in your eyes….
    and i think i know why the darkness in your dreams haunt you and yet does not disturb you when you drink and…you know…
    More on that when the time comes!

  • Ensigngisne

    >Axe those mudcrabs a question

  • hwailaluta

    Don’t kill those mudcrabs; they might be intelligent! Have you ever even seen a mudcrab before? He might be a merchant for all you know. You should go up and ask him this, the purrfect question, “Do you have any yarn for sale?”

  • cyh

    This is kinda off-topic, but this year the “K” name for the hurricane season is “Katia.” Cool, huh?

  • Godbot

    > They’re not doing anything wrong!

    • Frenotx

      They’re being mudcrabs. That’s an affront to the law, in its self.

      • Yuri

        Their very existence is an insult to the nine and everything they stand for!


  • Halbean


    Haha, wouldn’t it be cool if she can manage that~? 😛

  • Tosoto

    Mages are supposed to be wise and clever, right? Well, if you HAVE to kill them, wasting mana would be plain silly. And last I checked mudcrab pinches don’t tickle. Do mudcrabs eat apples? FEED THEM THE POISON APPLE!

    • Unlusty Argonian

      That’s purfect! A half for each mubcrab.

      At any rate Katia should keep the poison apple halves if they mubcrab don’t eat apples. Never know when lethal food might come in handy. Maybe if you get robbed again, you can trick the robber into eating the apple half. You’ve just gained all his loot!

      • Link

        If you re-read the page you’ll notice that she only managed to dent the apple, the “Execution” pic was just how she imagined it =)

  • Kevin

    Just cast a couple fireballs and you’ve got instant boiled crab. But if you just want to kill them, you could just pick one up and beat the other one to death with it, and then let it go, as I’m sure in time it will commit suicide because of what it’s been through. Or maybe it’ll go back to its kids to explain why their mom isn’t going to be coming home. Ever.

    • Sadanon

      oh god what are these
      are these tears

  • Gavinfoxx

    Oh! I just checked for ANOTHER reason to use your magic and not close to melee; they might carry Swamp Fever! You don’t want to get Swamp Fever, do you?

  • rarborman

    I’d have to say try to talk to them first to see if either of them is the Mudcrab merchant, then kill the other…or both if that proves false…
    In other news the dragon and I have come to a very benifitial arangement, fire for alcohol and companionship of a nondisagreeable sort, so if you see and dragons please tell me.

  • xiumeihaxor

    Make them FEEL THE FIRE!

  • Dr.Jolt


  • Parodius

    Right. Let’s toast these two. Ahemhem.

    I’m sure with your sordid past, you’ve got plenty of experience dealing with crabs, hm?

    Are you gonna get on all fours and wiggle your tush in the air before rushing in to attack as well?

    Maybe you’re just going to hike a leg up and ‘freshen up’ a bit instead of doing something useful.

  • Kevin

    Does Katia hear the various comments and commands as different voices in her head, or as her own thoughts?

    • Kazerad

      I keep it a little ambiguous, I admit. It’s probably closer to the latter.

      • Terumitsu

        So… Technically, this swarm of unconscious thought has the potential to become hilariously self-referential after a while?

        …You know what? Once I get my confirmation email for the forum, I’m totally gonna be the subconscious voice of ‘Mostly Sheogorath-inspired Shenanigans And Occasional Sense-Making’. I claim that right now.

  • -MMM-

    A møødcrab bit my sister once.

    • Leold

      Win! Nice MP reference 😀

  • matty406

    Giant enemy crab! Attack its weak point for massive damage!

    • Loveanon

      I love you.

  • B

    “the unforgivable crime of of being mudcrabs”

    • B

      Without sounding rude of course :p

    • Kazerad

      Fixed. You a total bro, proofreader guy!

  • TechUnadept

    What’s a mudcrab? Taste anything like Mirelurk? Hey, how radioactive is the meat anyways? And most importantly, HOW DID I GET HERE? WHAT’S ALL THIS GREEN SHIT ON THE GROUND?
    (yeah, I played fallout 3 way more than Oblivion)

  • FireHeart

    I can imagine the conversation those mudcrabs are having… “So I pinched the emporer the other day.” – “No way! Do tell.”

  • VideogamePony

    There is no creature fiercer than a mudcrab. What does ASOTIL think he is doing?

  • Yuri

    The 2nd half of this page nearly killed me. I was drinking water and it caused me to laugh so hard that the water went into my lungs and I had to spend a good 90 sec gurgling and choking on the ground.


  • patrick

    i am really enjoying the animation scenes. can’t wait to read more!

  • yo

    Drowning Pool-Shame,
    panel four


  • speaking from personal experience

    stupid laws in Cyrodil

    being a mud crab is against the law

    it’s legal to throw up on somebody elses flowers if a member of the imperial legion has taken a leak on them

    all criminals are to be considered innocent until assumed guilty

    being a criminal is against the law

  • dtlux14

    Crab Soup anyone?

  • Dragon

    I’m just going to stop commenting on Badassery levels now. It’s become unfeasible.