Aug 042011

Iyestorm wrote:
>Wait… this is wrong.

>Being a mudcrab shouldn’t be a crime. Those mudcrabs can’t really help the fact that they’re mudcrabs.

>Try talking to them first, and ask them to join you in fighting for BURNING JUSTICE! Maybe then you can prove to ASOTIL that they aren’t all bad, and ask him to submit a suggestion for a change in the law to the proper authorities. (Poor Countess…)

You are pretty sure you can’t reason with the mudcrabs. For one, you suck at reasoning with people in general. For two, according to the Encyclopedia of Deadly Creatures, mudcrabs can only feel hatred.

You read that book front-to-back like a dozen times on the way to Cyrodiil. You know most of it by heart.

See? Mudcrabs are total jerks. If you absolutely have to engage them, you’d kinda like it to be from a safe distance. And if possible, without using up any more of your limited magicka.

ArcheKruz wrote:
tip the boulder you’re hiding behind over and roll it towards the crabs.

JJA wrote:
Katia: Kill two birds with one stone. Feed the poisoned king apple to the mudcrabs.

Now that sounds doable.

You lob the poisoned apple at the mudcrabs. Throwing actual objects turns out to be a lot different than throwing fire, but hopefully it got close enough for them to notice. Crabs love apples. At least you’re pretty sure that’s crabs.

Okay, maybe that was some other animal that liked apples.

Kajet wrote:
Of course after that what are you waiting for? Can’t cast magic spells cause a cat got your tongue? Or are you thinking of being a pussy and not killing a couple of worthless mudcrabs?

Time for fire. It’s a weak cat burn, but you think you’re getting a bit better at working them regardless.

Oh fuck, you just made it angry. The crab slowly creeps toward you, beady eyestalks filled with rage. Why isn’t it afraid of you? You just threw fire at it. WHAT DOES IT KNOW THAT YOU DON’T?

IronSaber48649 wrote:

contemptibleComedian wrote:
murder the fuck out of them with a fire ball if you catch my drift…

Huh. Nothing, apparently. It was just stupid. Hopefully nobody heard you panicking like that.

Asotil congratulates you on your Victory over the Forces of Injustice, but says that you probably shouldn’t have panicked like that. It was just a crab.

Yeah, you say, that was pretty pathetic.

He tells you it doesn’t matter anymore. Not only have you sent this ne’er-do-well back to the depths of Criminal Hell, but you have aided Your Empire and Its Citizens in the most important way imaginable: by preparing a Suitably Just breakfast for one of its Noble and Selfless Patrolmen.

Asotil kneels down to check the dead mudcrab’s temperature and, judging it satisfactory, harvests a bushel of crab legs. He commends you on your culinary skill. You say thanks. He also suggests you cook up the other Criminal for yourself. You say you’ll get right on that.

You know the “culinary skill” thing was probably just a joke, but it’s still the nicest compliment anyone has ever given you and it makes you a little giddy. You decide you’ll pretend it’s legit praise, and that you just cooked the best crab legs ever.

Time to go do it again.

epoxy wrote:
You seem to be getting proficient with those fireballs; all that prior practice with yarn balls probably helps

You prepare a sick cat burn and approach your target. You’re Katia Managan, fearless fire-wizard and skilled seafood chef. Now that you know you can succeed, there’s nothing for you to be afraid of.

KoffieInBlik wrote:
Magicka: Run out when it’s needed most.

On second thought one of your toasted apples is perfectly fine breakfast.

You guess all things considered, this day’s off to a pretty good start. You’ve started to make some headway in getting your powers under control, including learning roughly how many fireballs you can conjure before running dry. You’ve got your best friend counting on you to deliver her letter, and another good friend helping to watch your back along the way. But best of all, you can finally feel that tiny spark of confidence rekindling itself. That little belief you had when you first landed in Cyrodiil, that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to turn out okay this time. Maybe everything you try won’t end in disaster after all. Truth be told, you have a really good feeling right now…

… that there’s absolutely no way this is all going to backfire disastrously!

  • Awsm.

  • Eric

    Wait a minute… is she sure she didn’t just take a bite from the posioned apple?

    • Eagle0600

      Poisoned apples isn’t toasted.

      • CW

        Ah, but we were never certain that the poisoned apple was the one Asotil didnt take a bit of!

        • Someguy

          You’ll notice that when Asotil first holds up the poisoned apple, it glimmers the image of a skull on it. That’s something I’d imagine only poisoned apples would do.

          • CW

            Naw, all apples are evil! Obviously they all experience this phenomenon from time to time.

          • Hello, CW. I’m necroposting from 2013 to tell you: You are absolutely wrong. Apples are the best things.

            Kevin <3

        • AnonymousDragonWolf

          Um, actually, the effects of poisonous apples are immediate, so Asotil would have died mere seconds after eating the apple.

  • Stop by the sparkly blue fountain, rechargan magican

  • J’raad

    >look through your very limited spell repertoire, who knows you just might have a healing spell, if not… you best like walking with a broken leg all the way to town…

    • Link

      First, commands go in forum.
      Second, the leg isn’t broken just hurt a bit from the fall, a sprain perhaps. =)

      Besides I’m pretty sure her spell repertoire is limited to just flares at the moment.

      • Kazerad


        But yeah, I’m still only taking commands from the forum thread, it’s just way more convenient for me. I’m going to add progressively more links there until everyone realizes. Or maybe I’ll bold the existing links.

        • Not gonna join a dumb forum to make comments I can make here! The very idea is PREPOSTEROUS

          • Jebediah Oldenheimer

            I just join every website I ever find so that, if I ever need to use one such site, I’ll already have a dormant account waiting and ready to go. Because throwing your email and name somewhere takes like three seconds.

          • patrick

            to the comment above:

            that sounds like an amazingly stupid idea haha

          • ApocalypticCritic

            Nah, just make a free email account and use that for all such things. That way, if a site spams you with spam, it’s just on an extra account that doesn’t matter.

  • Mouse

    Figure out a way to combat the highwayman in case he goes invisible. Also: find magicka. YOU WILL NEED IT.

  • Leif

    >Gharug: Find poisoned apple.

    • Cliff_Racer

      >Poisoned Apple: Plot with Gharug

      • Peterdivine

        Imps: Join unholy alliance of Gharug and Poisoned Apple

        • Kirone

          Greetings from 2014! For our weather forecast this week we’ll have a 30% chance of Firestorms on Tuesday, and Wendesday is National “Poisoned Demon Orc Alliance” Day, so don’t forget to bring some Cat to offer to our great dictators, Ghajug-SuperGro and his father, Gharugg-Gro Upp!!

  • Cardiv

    Ride on the horse with ASOTIL. You are a citizen and putting too much pressure on your leg can be dangerous for your health.

    • Sciver

      Instead: Ride on […] ASOTIL. You are a citizen and putting too much pressure on your leg can be dangerous for your health.

      It is well within th law to ride on ASOTIL, he said so himself.

      • Link

        Best suggestion ever! =D

  • Guile

    That’s the spirit, Katia. Live the impossible dream.

  • Tal

    Aww… no crab hat?

  • Zayle79

    This thing is AWESOME. You have a new reader, Kazerad.

    Now, time to see either the unspeakably awesome Kvatch Mages’ Guild or a huge smoking ruins. We won’t know ’til we get there! 😀

  • FDJustin

    Oh wow, mudcrab hate crimes! Hahaha…

    How long does it take to come up with these things? I mean just to get inspired for a panel.

    Also… That horse actually looks awesome with angry eyebrows. Almost half as awesome as the unicorn with flames painted on it’s sides.

  • Payback

    Newish reader, love the comic, etc etc

    Sooo she drank a bunch of water so that she’d have to wake up on time, then got woken up by a nightmare instead. I’m assuming this will lead to hijinx later on?

    >Find the nearest lavatory

    • Payback

      Wait nevermind I’m stupid she used someone’s flowerpot already ;<

  • justme

    The angry horse eyebrows!!! They are made of win.

  • Mouse

    Ask Asotil why his horse needs angry eyebrows drawn on it. Ask him the horses name too.

  • Halbean

    Those angry eyebrows make me more afraid of Asotil’s horse than Asotil himself. And the horse didn’t even do anything! D:

  • Dood Shadowskin

    Ask Asotil why his helmet doesn’t have angry eyebrows to match the horse.

  • Mr Ru

    >Katia: Fast-travel to ruins. That Ayleid Well should have recharged by now.

  • Locke

    Damn, this makes me wish my MSPA forum account wasn’t so messed up. >_<

    Everything: Fail to backfire horribly. After all, you're obviously being tempted on PURPOSE, and you only backfire ON ACCIDENT, when it's the most humorous/dramatic. You are no one's tool.

  • DBKoopa

    The horse bites her tail and thinks it’s a furry carrot of some sort

  • DBKoopa

    Horse: Chews on tail thinking it’s a mutant carrot

  • Draque

    Absolute worst case scenario, you end up in the same position you were in the first place, but with powers. And that lockpick, which seems to be sticking with you more reliably than crabs.

    >Katia: Go to the ruins and recharge. Also, if you want revenge on those fucking imps, mention to your new found, guard friend that they are busily being criminal down in that dungeon.

  • Murblesaurus

    >Katia: Wonder if and/or when she should try out alchemy at some point soon.

  • someone

    The Encyclopedia of Deadly Creatures should be modded as an in-game book for Oblivion.

  • Man is Criminal Hell just like a living sea of slain mudcrabs at this point?

    Occasionally dotted with impeccably exact (supposedly male) dupliclones of Katia?

    • Tita

      The mudcrabs are probably what make it hell.

    • creeperbro


  • someone

    I love how there’s the RSS feed, then the Twitter feed generated from the RSS feed, then a RSS feed of the Twitter feed generated from the RSS feed.

    There should be a Twitter feed of the RSS feed of the Twitter feed of the RSS feed. Because shit, let’s be recursive.

  • Learos

    I would really like to see the rest of that encyclopedia page.

  • Cyrus Draegur

    God dammit she’s just so effing cute it makes me want to cry ;_;

  • idiottoyman

    Hii, I just wanted to let you know that I spent my morning (8:30-12) before work reading this comic. This comic is great and you are lovely for writing it…whoever you are.

    Oh wow I got 5 minutes to get to work…..I gotta go.

    Keep making awesome comics

  • Beat Bandit

    The forum I regular has a thread dedicated to the updates of MSPA and I’dunno, giggling about trolls kissing or something entitled “Quickly Retrieve Arms from Safe”.

    Not being a fan of the comic I feel totally left out, so am requesting you start making these big, awesome updates into a bunch of small updates a day so I can make the “Slowly Retrieve Pineapple from **** ” thread.

    • Murblesaurus

      That would certainly be awesome, but I guess that the whole thing requires a bit of thinking or Kazerad wants us to savor it or something. Or Kazerad simply doesn’t have the time to update that much. Who knows?

      • Kazerad

        I’m thinking I might try to phase into smaller updates for a bit. These big ones with long waits inbetween are kind of cumbersome to produce. And people are beginning to realize I rarely update two consecutive days in a row, causing my visits to nega-spike the day after an update.

  • Moriarty

    Everything: Go wrong

  • Wimbula

    Something will go wrong with the horse – he looks angry

  • Mouse

    Hey, wait a minute, can we become immune to poison like the stuff in the apple if we lick it like, once a day?
    Also, how did you guys get user pics?

    • Alex

      I have mine because of Gravitar. You just give them your e-mail, and suddenly your Gravitar pic appears next to you whenever that e-mail is used in a comment anywhere. It is dark magic I do not entirely understand.

      • Alex Franklin

        (This looks silly now that the old comments are just Fistbump Guard. It’s true, though! I have an image!)

  • Scy


  • Shawn263241

    That source in the Encyclopedia of Deadly Creatures was dated in the Fourth Era, but I thought these events were happening in the Third Era?

  • allion

    is she already out of magicka? i know shes a kahjiit and that kahjiits dont have a lot of magic but she should have more than that if she was born under the atronach. she should have huge amounts of magic and she only used like 6 flare spells.

    • creeperbro

      No, to be born under the Sign of the Atronach means that your spell absorbtion is better, but your magicka is stunted. At least, that’s what I think. I haven’t played Oblivion in quite a long time now…

  • ArtiLove

    Mmmmmmmmmm Mudcrabs. b:<

  • stabymcstab

    I can’t be the only one who was thinking “CRAB BATTLE” through this entire thing.

  • Leold

    I rofled at the mudcrabs beating up the fish. Such hateful creatures.

  • Spoiler Alert: Everything Backfires Disastrously.

    • creeperbro

      YOU DONT SAY??

  • creeperbro

    I don’t want to even think what will happen when Katia runs into Dar Jee…

  • Dagda Mor

    I was expecting the horse to eat the poisoned apple.

  • Alex

    No no no Katia, crabs must be BOILED alive, not roasted alive! You’re going to ruin the flavor that way!

  • Voice of random

    Pure.. absolute… hatred.

  • Zina

    Pffft, backFIRE

  • dtlux14

    No way at all…

  • Sobe

    “However, chances of surviving a mud crab encounter are 98 percent, or 95 for khajit, which is perfectly okay to be”

    That book is beautiful.

  • Dragon

    Now, where have we read that particular sentence before?…