Aug 222011

NuVanDibe wrote:
Dmitri: Woah, hold on for a second. You’re trying to enter a (platonic) relationship with a khajiit of whom you seem to be very fond. At least one of your necromancer buds is extremely disapproving of this. Necromancers (in all fairness, not all of them) have a tendency to KILL THINGS of which they disapprove. Do you really want to bring Katia into a situation that may be very, VERY dangerous for her? The Scruffmeister might be ok with being a reanimated corpse, but Katia might not appreciate it so much.

McFrugal wrote:
Avoid a violent confrontation with your fellow necromancer. Tell him, again, to calm the fuck down. You are not having a threesome with him. The best you can do for him is to put in a good word for him with some cute babe you meet but don’t have sex with.

Upon hearing your intentions, Landorumil blocks the exit.

“Come on, Land. It wouldn’t be that bad having a cute little khajiiti apprentice around, right?”

“It absolutely WOULD be that bad,” he replies. “I refuse to let you go any further!”

“Maybe she’s got some friiiiennnds!”

“No no NO! This has become much more than simple jealousy, Dmitri! Think about the luck!

“When I’m on guard duty, the best thing that’s ever jumped me is a wolf. Do you know what made it the best thing, Dmitri? The fact it wasn’t a fucking bear. Then, when the drunk naked catgirl shows up, it just so happens that our current guard is a complete selfish a-hole who rides away with her into the sunset. Then you are going to take her on as an ‘apprentice’. She moves in and you constantly do apprenticing. Next thing you know, through a stroke of misfortune, she’s carrying a litter of your impossible interspecies children. Then do you know what we have, Dmitri?”


“We were already having shitty luck, Dmitri, and this is obviously the beginning of a bad luck spiral that will doom us all. Your careless actions will make our luck so bad that it will cause us to have worse luck which will make our already-bad luck even badder.”

  • Paradoxal God

    Black Cats?

    Lookin’ through Katia’s side, that kinda looks racist. Ha.

    • Girl

      that’s racist no matter how you look at it.

      • Burgrus of Corgi

        It’s about the most racist thing I’ve ever read (emphasis on read, I live with rednecks).

    • Matt Smith

      “Forget him he’s a racist mother fucker”

  • LiquidDinosaur

    “You are not having a threesome with him.”

    Upon hearing this, Landorumil blocks the exit.


    • Kazerad

      Oh man I guess I should clarify that a bit. I meant it to refer to the last update’s ending, with Dmitri explaining that his letter.

      • someone

        It works just as well this way. Lando obviously has a thing for Dmitri.

        “HEY DMITRI I have a riddle for you. What’s a necromancer, named Dmitri, and has a threesome with a skeleton rather than his best elf-friend?”

        Plus, he’s an elf. A fairy. Everyone knows all elf boys are gays; that’s why elf girls go jump human guys instead and you have all these half-elves bastards running around in D&D campaigns and at Rivendell.

        • Alex

          No no no you misunderstand. The existence of half-elves is not proof that elves are easy. It’s proof that humans are easy! Think about it! Half-elves. Half-ORCS. HALF-GIANTS.


          • kizmut

            1000-internets for you, my friend, for that brilliant observation.

  • Wind

    Ha! Black cats.

    … epic.

  • Batman

    his logic is flawless

  • GodotIsWaiting4U


    You are a horrible person and I hope you are duly punished for it after finishing this amazing comic.

  • scruffy

    Black cats*

    • faren

      It’s more so an insult against fundamental genetics, not race. If Dmitri had children and were darkskinned (as per redguard norm) no one would think it racist, but the moment it becomes a pun? That elf is a bigot!

      It’s not like he is a aldmer or dunmer. Those are the elves that are huge bigots.

  • hpsandwich

    maybe he has powers that unlock like Katia after being race burned?, they would be made for each other if that’s the case :3

  • matty406

    >Bad luck spiral
    >Necromancer Fortress

    • Friend

      The cats, the inevitable spiral of shit luck, and the tantruming necromancer.

      It’s all starting to add up.

  • Armok

    Hah! Yessss, the luck based positive feedback loops I invented strike again!

    • Dragon

      …Didn’t you prove that there is no actual luck with that command?

  • Nyan



    That’s WAISIST!!!!!!

    • tech

      my thoughts exactly.

  • clock

    This is the best thing. THE BEST THING.

    Also Dmitri you stop being so goddamn adorable this instant.

  • Faren

    o3o PFFFFFFFHT! That was a mean burn, and Katia isn’t even there. (also it doesn’t sound racist, all he did was mention black in a joke, not really insulting either, as for racist against khajiit. well it’s not like everyone didn’t flood everywhere with insults about khajiit when they were trying to force Katia to cast spells)

    • Faren


    • Link

      It’s “racist” because the reason Ladorumil says they’re gonna be black cats is because Dmitri is a Redguard (black) =P

  • Link

    That cat burn was so epic that it should totally light something ablaze in Katia’s proximity even if she wasn’t there to hear it AND is out of magicka =D

    Love the dramatic zoom in as well =P

  • Noxid

    Kazerad I love you
    in a totally platonic, manly way.

    /echoing above sentiments that “Black Cats” is a brilliant line

    • Alex

      Kazerad? More like Kaz-you’re-RAD, right?

  • KingKobold


    Oh god I’m dying. Too fucking funny.

  • FDJustin

    The really scary part about this whole thing, is Land’s logic just there was 102% exactly what my best friends would be.

  • Ourordinary

    Boy this just gets better and better.

  • justme

    “Then do you know what we have, Dmitri? BLACK. CATS.

    Suddenly, you are Katia. Inexplicably, the entire forest CATCHES FIRE.

    Impossible interspecies children… HA!

    • justme

      also, Land’s face and claw-hands in panel four are PRICELESS.

  • justme

    so… even elf necromancers wear pointy elf-shoes. do elves wear those shoes because that’s how their feet are shaped?

    • Sciver

      Of course. Haven’t you ever had a threesome with an elf?

      • justme

        Not recently, no. Er, I mean, not ever.

        • Potato


  • Suedomsa_Drol

    I know Necromancers might be more inclined to craziness, but this guy is like a focal point of craziness.

  • Halbean

    Looks like SOMEONE had his four-leaf clover stolen~!

  • Lord Fagus

    Yo dog, we heard you like bad luck…..

  • asdf

    If the second to last panel does not instantly become a reaction image, I will make it one.

  • DoctorOptimist

    Tell Lando to go find a four-leaf clover! Then he can find more and counteract any bad luck that may come from having a caterwauling apprentice around. (Katia, take note of this new burn)

  • Carbon

    Begin monologue debasing luck and asserting that it isn’t, and never was, real.

  • NotAName

    The spiral caused him to get all the bad luck in the world!

  • BiggerJ

    Tell him you’re going to tell you’re superior that he’s being racist. To two races, even.

    • Skelatox

      In the SAME SENTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!

  • Legends12


  • Scy

    Nyagga, dats RACIST!

  • gg


    Not only Bad Luck, but Bad English as well….

  • TechUnadept

    Dimitri: AGGREIVE!

  • Random Guest dude.

    Jesus, I almost facepalmed when he said black cats.

  • ArtiLove

    Oooooooooo looks like the closet case is Jealous!

  • Lochcelious

    Except black cats are revered as GOOD luck….

    • Jacul

      That’s an oversimplification though. They’re merely a focal point for luck, and their interactions with you determine what kind of luck they bring, if any.

      Concerning cultural differences, the US associates them with bad luck primarily, and in the UK it’s the opposite. I’m not familiar enough with them outside of those places, though.

  • ponty

    I just want to point out that one of the books in oblivion talks about a dunma princess concieving to the emperor (admittedly the child was aborted to prevent a challenge to the throne) so why is a khajiit and a red guard impossible? just a thought also given the potion of cure disease we can assume the the necro didn’t use protection, maybe we should look into the rammifications of that.

    • Mishi

      Because in ANOTHER book in Skyrim, (and I think it might be in Oblivion or Morrowind as well, I don’t know for sure) the author discusses the possibility of interbreeding at length and mentions that Orcs, Khajiit and Argonians can only breed with their own kinds.

  • FuzzyZergling

    This is, in my humble opinion, one of the top two funniest pages of 2011.
    The other being Asotil’s Drugs.

  • tech

    Dimitri: go Veitnam Tom on his ass.

  • Jacob

    Actually according to Racial Phylicialogy (I think I spelled the title right) Interspecies relationships often end in offspring resembing the mother… of course the book is about Elves and Men so…. nevermind…. i propbably shoulden’t have mentioned it.

  • AnonymousDragonWolf

    Actually, according to Manimarco in The Elder Scrolls Chapter II: Daggerfall, necromancers find that killing someone is a great honor, and thus they have a tendency to do so as a way of thanking them, etc.

  • Grayven

    I made it this far without making a comment here.

    but black cats did me in XD

  • gustavo

    i dont really see it as that’ racist, i mean cmon, lookoutsidethebox

  • Derp

    I didn’t know he was supposed to be a Redguard until the black cats comment made me think >_>

  • PersonPerson

    Ohmygod, my sides!

  • KrisChel

    Oh man, Landorumil may be my favorite character so far. I like him so much I stopped to make a post on an update a few years old. Odds are, no one will ever read this comment.

    • Kazerad

      I READ IT. Though admittedly only because the admin panel has a list of recent comments.

      I’m glad you like Landorumil, and I preemptively apologize for when you press the Next button.

  • Bewarethecarpenter

    Go on, Dmitri, punch his lights out, you can do it.

  • pheoniz

    …I’m not sure how to respond to the last few bits… Black cats?

  • KingOfGreyfell

    This gay elf is a racist fuck and you don’t want to talk to him anymore.

  • dtlux14

    Oh, I can’t stop laughing at that racist remark, I am not even racist! 😀

  • Bob