Aug 232011

Eagle0600 wrote:
> “That’s racist! And also impossible!”

Bibliophael wrote:
Show him the passage in that copy of “Notes on Racial Phylogeny and Biology” that you’ve been keeping around (purely out of academic interest, of course) which elaborates on the physiological differences between humans and beast-folk.

NuVanDibe wrote:
Dmitri: Also, there is no such thing as bad luck. If someone were to, for example, walk under a ladder, this would raise the amount of bad luck they have temporarily. This raises the odds that something else will happen that will give them even worse luck, and so ad infinitum, at least until they were the most unlucky person in the world. Because this does not happen, one can infer that bad luck simply does not exist, quod erat demonstrandum.


“Racist, speciesist, and impossible. Pardon my colloquialism, but I’m pretty sure that makes you a jerk, an asshole, and an idiot. I don’t know whether I should be offended or feel bad for you.”

“Look, I’ve got a copy of “Notes on Racial Phylogeny” right over here. It specifically says there’s never been a single documented case of a khajiit hybrid. That means it’s either completely impossible or incredibly unlikely. And even if it was possible, you don’t know if they’d be black. Khajiit biology is already the weirdest thing ever and I’m not even sure if parental genetics plays a role.”

“And even if black cats did happen, luck doesn’t compound. Sometimes people have good luck and then it goes away, sometimes people have bad luck and then it goes away. Bad luck doesn’t constantly cause itself to worsen any more than good luck causes itself to get even better. If that happened, everyone who had the slightest bit of good luck would suddenly have all the luck, and anyone who had the slightest bit of bad luck would be miserable forever. And that’s ridiculous! Someone having bad luck doesn’t mean they’ll have even more bad luck, just like someone having good luck doesn’t mean they’re going to have even more good lu-”

“Looks like I came down while the only guard was distracted. Pretty amazing timing, right?”

  • snowfox090

    Oshi– Own him with your awesome eldritch necromancer magics!

    Or wing the book at his head. It’s pretty heavy, right?

    • rysworld

      This is a goo idea.

      Necromagics ho!

      • ArogantArgonian

        Are you mad!? Look at all that luck!
        Instead quickly summon a skeleton and use your cat-like agility learned from years of feline companionship to begin a daring escape.

        • Zuna

          Are you insane?!
          What would a skeleton help against his lucky rock hard abs?!
          The only chance Dimitri has is to quickly run like a Khajit and pray to god that having black Khajit babies is possible and wait the X amount of months needed for those black kittens to be born and use them in his fight against the Orc Almighty! *pants* omg out of breath D:

  • Soadreqm

    I miss Landorumil already.

    • Faren

      Me too

    • Friend

      Landorumil: enjoy a threesome with Dmitri.

      • ..

        GodDAMN I spit out my food.

    • FDJustin

      It’s OK. His best friend is a necromancer. There’s no way he’d let his best buddy lay there, dead on the floor forever, right?

      I’m pretty sure that’s as high up there in the dickometer as summoning a skeleton for a threesome instead of inviting your best friend ever. Obviously no one would do that.

    • Scy


  • Jamie20745

    Beg him not to kill you

    Tell him you will do anything to make sure he doesn’t harm you

    Or offer him your cat

    Or cause a distraction (like summon an army of elite undead soliders to fight him) and leg it

  • o SNAP

  • Doctor_Hal

    OH BOY, TIME FOR A NEW ZOMBIE SLAVE! Ooh, and this once’s got some pretty decent muscle structure, harder for him to rot with that.

  • Clocktopus

    Tell him that he looks ravishingly cool and lucky and that you hope you two can be bros 4 lyfe and you’d like it that your head shouldn’t be removed like your former elf friend

    Also compliment his pants, flattery will get you everywhere with orcs.

  • Faren

    NuVanDibe: yeah, unless Luck was an attribute. Then you CAN have your luck drained, like say it is in Oblivion.

  • justme

    Totally did not see that coming. Some guard… Hope Dmitri knows a few attack spells by heart.

  • someone

    Welp, goodbye Dmitri.

    I’m not saying that because the orc will kill you. Well, he might, I don’t know. I’m just saying that because now is the perfect time for a dramatic cliffhanger as we get back to Katia.

  • Jack

    Well this is kind of unexpected.

    Theres seemingly nothing Dmitri can do with all the clovers that fucker has now. His luck is probably off the charts.

  • BlackFox

    Don’t let him get your cats!

  • Vidiotdragon

    All that luck, and he still can’t find a shirt that won’t rip when he flexes.
    Unless he doesn’t want to wear one, of course.

  • Armok

    I can not express how full of glee I am that my luck idea seems to be becoming a mayor-ish part of the story! 😀

  • Locke

    Get your “run for your life” on. And by that, I mean, RUN FOR YOUR FREAKIN’ LIFE.

  • A Pink Poodle

    Bad luck there!


  • Jude Prudence

    rip Landorumil rip

    you died a virgin

  • Love

    Quick raise Landorumil as your own undead minion.

    After doing that, excuse yourself to the orc tell him your busy etc., and get that damn letter delivered.

  • Purple Outside

    Well I suppose if Dmitri raises Landorumil as an undead he’d have no problem having a threesome with him involved now, since his problem was with ‘more than two living people’.

  • KingKobold

    Dmitri: Abscond

  • Link

    Hahaha, god, I truly wasn’t expecting that xD

    Darn, you’ve killed off my favorite necromancer ever =P
    Oh well that means Dmitri has reclaimed that position =)

  • Cuon Alpinus

    I was re-reading some of the comic, and it mentions how the Count of Kvatch lost his two sons. It also mentions how the mage’s guild leader wanted to destroy the place. I think that the Kvatch Mage’s Guild practitioned in Necromancy.

  • Sciver

    Revivify Landorumil to do your bidding! Your headless bidding!

  • Val

    Posters: Remember we have a seperate forum for this sort of thing.

  • TwilightNinja


  • Batman

    Dmitri’s face in the last two panels is hilarious.

  • BiggerJ

    Run away and frenetically study luck magicks.

  • Carbon

    Welp, you’re not necromancers for nothin’

  • Scribbleykins

    If I could, I’d ask him why he has four leaf clovers attached to his nipples. Or thereabouts.

  • BiggerJ

    Wait, idea! Go and get a black cat, a ladder, a mirror,. ANYTHING capable of negativing his good luck, which is clearly a thing that is real!

  • Gavinfoxx

    Well! You need to get some magic to distract him, and then RUN. Ideally towards backup. How these things work is that if you ALL gang up on him at once (and you get something to ruin that streak of good luck of his), you and the other necromancers MIGHT survive. Be sure that when you get to where the other necromancers are, to scream whatever will get them most likely to actually throw every combat thing they have at the Orc. You know your fellow necromancers better than I, that might or might not be something like, “AHHH INSANE ORC COME TO KILL US ALL KILL IT KILL IT!!!”. Good luck!

  • Merchant

    Throw the book in his eyes and steal his clovers! He’s powerless without them!

  • Final

    Bring back Landorumil as a headless zombie. That should keep him distracted while you ready a more powerful spell.

  • asdf

    >threatening a necromancer
    >while standing next to the fresh corpse of his enemy

    Even for an orc, this was a terrible idea.

  • Wind

    He could ask if in his travels the Orc has ever met a Khajiit named Katia. If he has, would he mind delivering that letter to her.

    … should that happen, the Legionaire might find him and take him out >.> or the Orc will take out the Legionaire and satisfy the Countass. 🙂

    • Wind

      Plus, that would leave Dmitri allow with Landorumil’s dead body. Free materials for a necromantic evening.

  • Kevin B.

    Exploit his bad path-finding A.I. Run behind a waist-high rope strung between two wooden stakes.

  • Rye_Dragon

    Oshi – He obviously knows what he is doing and he looks like he is a pro at what he does. Try to get *negotiate” with him and see if he will let you go with your neck still intact!

  • polysyllabist

    Quick, cast a spell of absorb luck, it’s the only way to level the playing field! …except the field still consists of an orc with a sword and you’re wearing a dirty robe, but maybe he’ll stub his toe while you run for your life

  • 21stCenturyBird

    Alas, poor Landorumil! Where be your quivering eyebrow now?

  • visible_fred

    You must know some sort of death spell. Not for the Orc. He is an integral part of the story. And would be too lucky to do anything other than have just drunk a potion of anti-death or something. Enough of the orc though. Cast some sort of deathy/”rot plant” spell on the clovers. Or transmute them into kittens. Mmm, kittens.

    • visible_fred

      Also: Val is right. Commands have no place on this forum, only gushing. Therefore: KITTENS! *gush gush*

  • Lord Fagus

    Attack his weak point for massive damage!

    [spoiler]His penis.[/spoiler]

    • Salamore

      That’s his strong point though!

  • Mecc

    You’re a Redguard right Dimitri?

    Now would be a good time to do that Adrenaline Rush thing.

  • CountCrapula

    Have the orc kill one of the cats by accident.
    Unleash Dimitri’s final boss mode.
    Epic flash animated battle insues.

  • MnemonicJohnny

    [Summon Headless Zombie]?


  • JellyMan


    • polysyllabist

      Looks like he’ll be getting his rape on! Which is to say, kindly bend over now.

  • Halbean

    I KNEW it! Haha, I totally saw this comi-ohshit, he’s got a sword.

  • Cyrus Draegur

    Dmitri should reanimate his old pal real quick

  • Lexavian

    Kaz, how muck of this luckstuff did you plan out? Since I no longer follow the thread for the most part, I don’t know how much of Lando’s luck obsession and GroUp’s presence where reader caused.
    (Since this is a pretty awesome reintroduction of GroUp.)

    Also, yeah I know I forget his name for the most part.

  • scruffy

    Use your magic to fuck his shit up.

  • Viveka Sick-Fires

    Reanimate your recently deceased friend and defeat the odd, clover covered orc.
    Alternatively, run. Run far, far away.

  • GreatFairy

    Well, that solves one problem: If you reanimate him he won’t technically be a living human. Now he can get in on that threesome!

  • Worm Anchorite

    Hey, Headless Zombies are quite sturdy!

  • Shadowkey392

    the living example of contradiction just killed your fellow necromancer. Necromance him and kill the troll!

  • dtlux14

    Oh gods, I can’t stop laughing. (And it just occured to me I said OH GODS, not OH GOS, this story is getting to me).

  • Dragon

    Welp, looks like those Luck Loops are Canon now.

    • RoboPlop

      I’m ok with this. Although completely illogical, the absurdities that they create makes the story even more hilarious.