Aug 192011

phantomCharlatan wrote:
Dmitri: Be Katia. I mean, be Dmitri pretending to be Katia. Read your own letter and react to it as you expect Katia would.

“Oh wow, I never expected to hear from this guy again – nor did I expect him to remember my interest in the magical arts! I am pleasantly surprised by this ordinary friendly gesture! Maybe he’s not such a bad person after all.”

Yes, everything seems in order here.

>Dmitri: Check to see if Baeralorn is here right now.

You head toward the entrance to look for Baeralorn. If he’s not here, whoever’s on guard duty should at least have some idea when he’s coming.

Oh great, it’s Landorumil.

Landorumil turns to “greet” you.

HEY DMITRI I have a riddle for you. What’s a necromancer, named Dmitri, and has a threesome with a skeleton rather than his best elf-friend?”

“I already explained this,” you tell Landorumil, “I just find the whole idea of sex involving more than two living people to be really weird.”

“God Dmitri, you’re such a fucking prude. If anyone else was on guard duty last night, we all would’ve been in on that. You are the worst guard.”

You ignore Landorumil’s verbal assault and change the topic. “Is Baeralorn here? I need him to run an errand for me when he heads back into town.”

“I haven’t seen him yet,” Landorumil answers. “He’ll probably be coming sometime tomor-WAIT.”

YOU ARE HOLDING A LETTER. I can see that this is a thing you are holding, in your hand.”

“You are sending a letter to the fucking Khajiit, aren’t you? You are organizing more awesome escapades no one else is invited to, aren’t you?”

“This is a THING YOU ARE DOING, isn’t it Dmitri?”

“Dude, take a potion of chill,” you tell Landorumil. “Yes, I am sending a letter to the Khajiit from last night. No, there are no escapades involved. Among other things, she mentioned an interest in magic, so I’m offering her a position as my apprentice. Completely platonic. I’m even sending her a friendship diamond ring to signify how completely platonic this offer is.”

At least you’re pretty sure that’s what diamonds signify.

  • Jack

    Ask him why hes jealous of a summoned skeleton having more fun than him. Does he never get to go out or something?

    • FDJustin


      • Photosynthetic Ziggurat

        They usually go out and dig up graves at one point or another. But being based in a crypt I see no reason why they would leave except perhaps to acquire supplies.

  • matty406


  • JellyMan

    Ask him why is he so jealous.

    • Dmitri

      U JELY

  • Faren

    If I was Landorumil, I wouldn’t tell him what that diamond means. Maybe next time he will leave the skeletons in the closet where they belong an totally have a threesome with Landorumil.

  • Matt

    “Dude, take a potion of chill…”


  • Link

    This elf… is a TOTAL BRO! =D

    Also: That eyebrow… it’s epic! xD

  • mjm

    >Dmitri: Because Baeralorn is not there yet, you should ask the other necromancer about advice on training apprentices and about non necromancer friend.

  • Locke

    Landorumil’s Eye: Twitch even more.

  • Halbean

    Man, I totally dig Landorumil’s reaction. So spontaneous~ XD

  • GodotIsWaiting4U

    I love how everyone gets their own sort of mannerisms and character in this, that’s an incredible THING YOU ARE DOING.

  • plaz

    landorumil: don’t tell him what diamonds actually mean. sometimes, the god of bro-karma takes care of things on his own, see?

  • JJA

    Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. They mean that you want to be friends with her. It’s just that simple.

  • The King of Spices

    It seems that Dmitri did sort of violate bro-code, but that reaction is too much!

  • Beebles

    Landorumil: Realize that’s not what diamond rings signify. Then fail to care.

  • Duster

    Landorumil: Be the threesome skeleton.

    • Wind

      You can’t be the threesome skeleton. 🙁 He’s just a crumpled mess on Quilly’s floor.
      … unless Dmitri re-summons him. 🙂

  • Wind

    I stumbled across this comic by accident. It’s EPIC!!! Thank you for embodying every Oblivion profile I make. 😀

  • Norexicu

    Landorumil: “…Oh”

  • Muffalopaduso

    I kind of want to see all three animated Landorumil panels at the same time. I wonder if that’s even physically possible to do.

    • Slomo

      Actually, there are four of them. There’s The Pointing Hand, The Eyebrow of Drama, This Thing You Are Doing, and Twitchy Eye.

  • Val

    Posters: Remember we have a seperate forum for suggestions.

  • Some Guy

    Let Landorumil know that if he doesn’t fuck off and die, you’d be more than happy to help him along. “awesome escapades” or not, he’s being a right twat about this.

    • Some Other Guy

      That’s way too harsh, man.

  • Chiri

    I’m trying to decide what’s worse for the cat, a threesome with a skeleton or a necromancer gang bang.

  • FerrenD

    Oh COME ONE, it’s OBVIOUS he’s jealous, but why? Could he not go out and do the same? Besides, threesomes ARE weird. ^_^. Just not with a skeleton. That’s fine. Completely.

    • Mantar

      Yeah, go out, avoid being killed by the watch or any passing adventurers, and run into a hot Khajiit chick who stumbles up to you and announces that she’s “horn and drunky” and “won’t take no for an answer” and who then promptly insists upon a three-way. That’s TOTALLY going to happen again in Landorumil’s lifetime.

      Well, okay, he is an Altmer, so maybe in a couple of centuries he might get another chance that won’t get ruined by his then-late bro Dmitri being weird, but that’s a hell of a long time to wait. And is dependent on going a couple of centuries without the inevitable murder hobo killing him and everyone he knows for a treasure chest full of 12 gold and a petty soul gem.

      • Malefactor

        To be fair they always attacked first.

        I’d just be walking along getting my adventure on than next thing you know some skeleton is pelting me with largely ineffective arrows.

        Just ain’t right.

  • Carbon

    Make diplomatic amends by assuring Landorumil that the next time something “awesome” happens, he’ll be the first necro-bro to be in on it with you.

    Also, ask him how is clothes-washing business is going (the laundromat).

  • justme

    wow, dmitri sure wasn’t kidding about the other necromancers being jealous. landorumil is like that creepy friend who can’t figure out why the other guys leave him at the frat when they want to go out and get laid. at least, i think that’s what goes on at frat houses… other than dudes in speedos fixing cars, chopping wood, and doing other manly-type things, of course.

    • stabymcstab


  • Rodrigo

    *Dmitri* is a prude?! Oh wow XD

  • GreatFairy

    Landorumil. Yes.

  • Rah

    Landorumil = new favourite character

  • PersonPerson

    … The name Dimitri was a good choice.

  • speaking from personal experience

    poor Landorumil’s jealous of a skeleton because Dmitri and Katia wanted to jump its bones

  • cake


  • Bewarethecarpenter

    Is this one of the elves from the seaside tavern?

  • dtlux14

    I find many diamonds in Minecraft and give them to friends, so yes, I think that’s what they mean too… Maybe I shouldn’t mention that my friends kill me and steal those diamonds from me…

  • Djinnfest

    [Eyebrow raising intensifies]

  • Dragon

    Panel 1 is hilarious!
    …That is not in any way shape or form useful at all to anyone, Dragon.