Dmitri: Attack

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Aug 262011
 


Tiger86 wrote:
Dmitri: You’re a mage, dammit! Fight like one! Disintegrate his sword! Shock him until his heart is cooked inside his chest! Summon zombies to eat his flesh! Stick to your principles and prove that bad luck and good luck are all in the mind. For Katia’s sake.


Snowmanne wrote:
>Animate the corpse of your friend

You are a necromancer, not a battlemage! Your actual combat spells are rather lacking; all you typically do is hide behind skeletons and run for help when things get too hot to handle. And while you’d love to reanimate Landorumil’s lifeless body, reanimating a corpse takes hours of rituals and preparation.

Of course, you could just summon up a skeleton someone else made. It should at least slow the orc down while you go get help.

“BOOM!”

“SKADOOSH!”


FredMSloniker wrote:
> Dmitri: Tell the nice orcish gentleman that you can see he’s the kind of person who likes to get things done without any fuss, and you’re the kind of person who would really rather not encounter death personally (hence the intense research into averting it), so you would appreciate him suggesting the course of action most likely to lead to your organs remaining internal.

“Sorry about the skeleton. Feel free to ransack the place. I’m okay with this.”

“Good call, Stitches,” the orc replies. “If everyone gave up as easily as you, I’d almost never have to get my kill on. But don’t worry, I’m not here to ransack the place. I figured I’d just come in, rob the first couple people I saw, then leave. It’s lower-risk that way, and my math shows that it still gets pretty good returns.”

“Oh. I admire your forethought!”

“Thanks, I like to consider myself a professional. Anyway, hand it over.”

>

  • Halbean

    He’s so passive it’s hilarious~ XD

  • Vero

    He has a trampstamp of his own face.
    This guy never ceases to amaze.

    • Cadvin

      HIS OWN DAMNED FACE

      • Locke

        I just now noticed that. Oh god, that is priceless. XD

    • Jonesman64

      actually… I think thats a very tiny “troll” face.. just green with pointy ears… or it could be his face making the troll expression… which would make some sense.. as that is what his victims would see as he walks away, or moons them XD

  • Faren

    OMG he is gonna take the letter isn’t he?! That’s it, I’m getting on oblivion and GETTING MY KILL ON!

    • Faren

      okay it’s taken some time, but I’ve compleatly killed off every orc in my game cept the one that is a knight. (I cant kill my fellow knight 8I ) plus a few guards.

      • Garaichu

        I am proud of you.
        The only thing needed now is to create a Gro-Upp character and promptly kill yourself/himself :U

  • TwilightNinja

    CURSE YOU, GRO-UPP!! >:(

    Hug all kittens? 😀 That sounds like a really good attack spell. XD

  • Noxid

    I love how him just flexing is enough to destroy the skeleton.

    • Oridian

      Its pretty much a Matrix reaction: Blow lands just shy of the mark (In this case on purpose), and a minor motion is enough to finish the job anyway.

    • Dragon

      Headsh- uh, headflex?

  • Richard

    And now he has THE ULTIMATE ARMOUR AGAINST KATIA’S MAGIC. Everything is ruined forever.

  • EveryZig

    He killed the skeleton using only his elbow! Gro-Upp has achieved the status of bad muthafuka.

  • KBB

    Attempt to hide the Ring of Firewalking from him, hope that the gift basket of restorative potions will be enough for him. Also don’t let him read the letter because that would just be awkward letting him see that you boinked a Khajit.

    • Jebediah Oldenheimer

      Especially since it’s the very same khajiit he boinked a few days prior.

  • Dolash

    Calling it right now. Grow-Up is going to get the ring, wear it, then later encounter Katia who will try to get revenge/fend him off with a fireball (with a brief moment of confidence that she’s not so helpless this time). The fire resistance ring will protect him and he’ll proceed to do something horrible that makes her cry again (probably rob her, but who knows? Maybe kill someone. Whatever it is that would make her feel worthless).

    • Dolash

      Actually, addendum, if you look back all three items he considered giving Katia were anti-magic (or at least, anti-Katia). The ring, the amulet of spell reflection, and the wand of silence were all things Grow-Up could use to get around Katia’s new magical power. This whole scene has probably been a conveyance for the manner in which Grow-Up will later be able to maintain his edge on Katia.

      • polysyllabist

        Spoilers :,(

      • Vero

        But…but nothing could possibly go wrong!
        Nothing ever goes wrong when nothing could possibly go wrong!

      • RobotSac

        Don’t forget that Katia will somehow be within reach of an alcoholic beverage soon after the event. She’ll then spend the next three pages pretending to listen to the dozens of people giving her sound, logical advice which she will ultimately ignore.

        • Omgwtf

          He’s got all the luck.

          ALL OF IT.

          • Faren

            let us hope his incompetence shall be his down fall, because even though it led him to the anti fire ring, doesn’t mean he will think to look at someone’s letter, after all he didn’t look in katia’s book…

        • DocDonuthead

          You forgot the part where everyone gives advice to Dmitri about how to outsmart/overpower/outmaneuver Gro-upp and it either completely backfires in his face, leaves Gro-upp entirely unfazed or is ignored because he’s a spineless palooka.

          It really annoys me that I already know it will happen this way.

      • Wytsfs

        Not entirely true. We also had the options to send Katia a nice safe gift basket of potions or scrolls, or a welkynd stone. This could have ended up with relatively benign consequences for Katia, but people decided to metagame a bit when choosing the items so this is what we got.

  • Kurry

    Oh no, quick do something he is going to take Mr. Scruffles!!!

  • Batman

    my god that orc is dynamite!

  • Theta][Sigma

    This dude is going to end up eventually having a whole set of armor made entirely of good-luck charms, isn’t he.

    • Locke

      Lucky horseshoe belt with a four-leaf clover loincloth, plus fur-rimmed boots. The fur would be made up of lucky rabbits’ feet.

      • Oridian

        Remember- Lucky Rabbit’s feet aren’t so lucky for the rabbit.

        • Alex

          I remember Oswald The Lucky Rabbit (Walt Disney’s original character that got stolen and was eventually replaced by Mickey) would sometimes pull off his own foot and rub it for good luck.

  • Locke

    Cast Toxic Cloud for a smoke screen, strip off robe quickly, and run deeper into your base. This jerkwad just told you his Modus Operandi, so you can take advantage of it. Be the clever Necromancer.

    Also, side note, I hope Gro-upp gets screwed over really bad later on. He’s just begging for it. I mean, having Asotil kill him would be too simple. I hope he runs into our good friend the Gray Fox, who surely doesn’t approve of this orc’s ungentlemanly nature. In fact, I wonder if Katia has mentioned this in conversation with any friends or Strangers… *wink wink, nudge nudge*

    • JackDesert

      The universe is about balance… Gro upp will find out soon as the charms suddenly wilt.

      • Locke

        Actually, I bet the Gray Fox just wears more clovers. Like, an epic robe of them.

        • Faren

          he has a daedric cowl, with stat bonuses that are WORTH the constant bounty. I’m sure a entire dreast plate of clover wouldn’t be enough, not that the dumb orc wears armor into battle (unless you count his muscles as armor)

          • FDJustin

            “(unless you count his muscles as armor)” Normally no, this time, yes.

    • Ensigngisne

      Even though there’s word that commands aren’t taken here — I second this! Are you just going to let this roughneck force your acquiescence to this hanus crime!? Also, he’s going to take your gift. The one you thought so carefully about making.

      Introduce the hellion to getting his death on.

  • MnemonicJohnny

    Let Gro-upp loot the chest.

    I doubt that Mr. Scruffles will be pleased.

  • Cliff_Racer

    Orcs don’t have an inherent resistance to poison and disease like you do. If he does end up getting his KILL on, you could;

    A. Blind him, then gas him out with a toxic cloud.
    B. Blind him, then make a skeleton remove the sword so you can abscond.
    C. Assuming, since you’re pinned, using Hug All Kittens would summon your feline army to you, who make an adorable protective hug barrier that no sword can pierce.

    Just in case, you know? It’s good to have a backup plan or two.

  • BiggerJ

    Give him some scrolls of terrible evil dark majiks. There’s absolutely no way whatsoever that’ll come back to bite anyone in the ass.

  • justme

    Dmitri has a spell for Hug All Kittens? All of them? dawwww….

    • Noxid

      Wait, if Hugging All Kittens is a spell then that must mean… I must be a wizard too! Awwww yeah!

      • Noxid, you cannot hug your drawings, no matter how awesome they are. And update your avatar. Retro Booster is (hah) out of date.

        Juuuust kidding. Hi Nox! Nobody can stop you from printing out your kitties and hugging them all.

      • Locke

        Yer a wizerd, Noxid.

  • Viveka Sick-Fires

    Ask the Orc why he turned to the life of crime, this may give you enough time to hide the ring for Katia.

  • Dante

    You don’t have anything on you, obviously. What do you look like, you’ve got pockets up the sleeves of your dress or something? You were just walking to the bathroom, you’re not going to take anything valuable there. Tell him all your valuables are back in a chest in your room, so he can either come back with you or keep wandering around and mug some of your necromancer friends. You probably didn’t like them anyways.

    • Unholy D

      I second this. Just ignore the telling him about following you to your room unless he himself brings up the fact he wants to follow you to loot YOUR shit. Then you could just lead him to the dead guy’s room and let him loot that one. If he asks about it, just tell him that you two were roomies and shared the only chest that’s there. He’d never know, it’s not like he can read minds or anything. He’s got a Potion of Invisibility, not a Potion of Knowing Everything.

  • SeraD

    Guys. You know posting commands here is entirely useless, right?

    • Unholy D

      Yeah, it is pretty useless, but I’m willing to bet if we come up with a good enough explanation for events by not meta-gaming knowledge the character would have no knowledge of what-so-ever, the comment would be more likely to take.

  • Braingnawer

    Cast hug all kittens. Nothing defuses a situation like being surrounded by kittens.
    Unless of course the hug all kittens spell is a spell which only buffs your stats making you capable of hugging all kittens….
    Which still could help. Either way casting of this spell should occur.

  • Deathnotebliss

    Tramp stamp of his face. So glad I noticed that. ^ ^

  • Soadreqm

    He just threw his sword into a rock wall.

  • Yona Tamblin

    I figured I’d just come in, rob the first couple people I saw, then leave.

    Tell him in a polite tone “Oh, well- you’ve already killed Rob, that was him. So your job seems to already be done. Say, that is an awful lot of four leaf clovers. They must not work in clusters since you came here for Rob and you’ve already killed him. I’d gladly take them off your hands if you’ll un-shish-kabob me.”

  • Clocktopus

    Tell him that Necromancers are a minority and that you should feel ashammed for robbing one, its almost like irony.

  • Wytsfs

    Stop posting commands here!

    Commands only count when you post them in the forum: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?40825-PREQUEL-suggestion-box

    • Locke

      My forum account doesn’t work! My emails to support have gone eternally unanswered! Why are we using exclamation marks?!

      Seriously, though, I’ve said it before, I don’t expect anything I type here to be taken into consideration. But this is the only way I can comment on the adventure, thanks to the, erm, “special” nature of MSPA forum support. So yeah.

  • Rye_Dragon

    Dmitri: Give him your coins, gold, ANYTHING. BUT do NOT give him your letter to that special friend of yours, it must be delivered at all costs.

  • Fei

    Be the sword! Be the sword! 😀

    Just like when we were the Amulet that Katia uses! 😀

    Also /o/ tropical storm katia has been announced go Katia, a storm with your name on it! FireStorm Katia \o/

  • Julienya

    Bribe him with the shiney ring. Maybe that will be enough for him. Keep the letter from Gro- Upp.

  • scruffy

    I really hope this orc fuck gets killed soon

    • Childish Gambino

      Are you kidding man? The orc is the best character. He just wants to get him rob on, if you know what he’s saying.

    • Ahz

      Yeah man, besides, how many necromancer did you plow through in that game without a second thought?

  • Arinot

    when orc takes stuff, blind orc, use his sword against him…
    or just run like hell and summon another skeleton and run some more

  • Waight

    OH MY GOSH!! I hope you’re ok in the hurricane!!! that’s so scary to think about!

  • Jonah Orion

    They named the next hurricane Katia. You didn’t have anything to do with that, did you? o_O

  • justme

    I hope that you’re just still drawing the next update, and not that your power is still out. Cause that would suck. If your power is still out, stay safe, and I hope your power’s back on soon!

    • Wind

      Agreed. You stay safe.

  • sigfloyd

    I imagine gro-Upp speaking with Skyrim’s Orc voice. It fits pretty well.

  • GentleCorgy’s#7COMBO

    I keep picturing Gro-Upp’s voice to be more like Twayne Boneraper from Comedy Central’s “Ugly Americans”.

  • dtlux14

    “SKADOOSH!” Really? Really now? THIS ISN’T KUNG FU PANDA! 😀

  • StormGrizzly

    That Fucking Orc, I hate him