Nov 272011

SiberDrac wrote:
Katia: offer full set of dining utensils and high-quality yarn in exchange for book. Expound on the both simple and complex joys brought by yarn. It is both endlessly amusing to get tangled in, and will make up for the scrapbooking supplies he just spent on Quill-Weave!

Abominor wrote:
DEMAND it for nothing. Failing that, call it the ‘price’ for your ‘platinum courier service.’

bobthepen wrote:
Wait, “drakes” like the duck? What the hell is he going to do with forty ducks? Maybe just give him a poor drawing of a duck as some kind of ironic payment?

SpaceMoth wrote:
>Katia: Suggest that replacing her book for free would make for an even more uninsulting gesture that will surely catch her off guard when she then reads the letter. :3

Professorzobot wrote:
Katia, you can’t just let him dictate the price. Especially once he’s ADMITTED he doesn’t know what a fair price would be! Haggle with him! See if you can drive the price down.

You quickly learn that haggling is much more complicated than you thought.

After about ten minutes of your best bargain-making, you only manage to talk the price down to thirty five septims. You play every card in your deck – explaining that the book isn’t worth much, trying to organize a trade, even insisting you deserve a lower price as part of a courier fee – but none of it works out all that well. Hirtel claims the book’s possible rarity makes it worth more. He refuses to accept any payment other than gold. He even says your courier services are worth five septims at most – after all, you’re just delivering the letter one town away. That’s not even dangerous.

Running out of good alternatives, you decide to try a personal appeal. If he replaced the book for free, maybe that would be even more ironically uninsulting to Quill-Weave? She’d probably be… offended by how courteous it was! Eh? Right?

Hirtel turns down your offer. Books are expensive, he says, and he can’t just hand them out for free. He only did that with the restoration book because books on magic are only worth one septim. At least that’s what the lady from the Mages Guild told him.

Anyway, as a shopkeeper he likes to keep business courteous and fair. You ruined Quill-Weave’s book, therefore he thinks that you should be the one to replace it. Free-riding on his charity to cover up your mistake would just be… unironically rude.

His remark about free-riding on charity hits a nerve. You uncomfortably explain that you didn’t mean it like that. You just thought maybe… nevermind. Sorry.

Hirtel suggests that you just buckle down and pay the thirty five septims. Some shopkeepers are into this whole haggling thing, but he really just wants to get this over with so he can get back to building book pyramids. So are you going to buy the book or not?

Snow_Cat wrote:
>Katia: Admit that 40 drakes is for book is both more than it is worth to you, and more than you are carrying.

You reluctantly confess that you don’t actually have that much money to your name right now. That’s part of the reason you wanted to drive the price down: you’re going through a kind of hard time money-wise.

But you really need that book. Quill-Weave is counting on you to get her a new copy, and you can’t let her down. You’ll totally be back in a day or two with the money, and you’ll buy the book then. That’s okay, right?

Hirtel sighs and tells you to stop looking all mopey. It’s fine. You’re not the first penniless courier Q.W. has sent here on some sort of pity mission. He’ll even put the book in reserve to make sure nobody buys it before you. Just try to hurry up about it.

You thank him, and promise you’ll be back as soon as you can with some actual money. Thanks.

VlRGlL wrote:
Katia: Ask if you can tidy up his shop a bit for a few extra coins or maybe for that replacement book for QW.

In fact, maybe the two of you could even strike up a deal or something, if he needs some work done? You suggest that maybe you could tidy his shop up a bit, earn a little extra-

Woah woah woah, Hirtel interrupts.

First you come in here with no money, then you waste half an hour trying to pay me with artwork and grass clippings, and now you’re insinuating something’s wrong with my store?

He kindly informs you that he is the bookstore guy, not you. Do you own a bookstore? No? Then apparently you don’t know the first thing about bookstoring.

Now go on, shoo, run off now. We’ve said everything that’s to be said; come back when you have some actual coin.


That didn’t go so bad, you guess.

You delivered Quill-Weave’s letter, met her friend, and now you’ve just got to scrounge up thirty five septims to buy her a new book. Well, thirty five septims plus however much it’ll cost for you to eat and sleep while you’re in Kvatch.

But you can… probably do that? Yeah. That works out to more than you expected, but you’ve still got plenty of loot to sell and a couple work opportunities scoped out. Before you know it, your empty pocket will have twenty septims in it. Then fifty. Then a hundred. Piece of cake.

DestinedFateX wrote:
Katia: After leaving Hirtel’s shop, discover your hidden talent of high-level weapon projection magic at the Kvatch Mage’s Guild.

Oh gods, that would be the coolest thing ever! And for all you know you actually could have some hidden magical talent just waiting to be discovered and honed. Something about that potentially untapped potential makes you giddy. It’d certainly solve some problems, too: with two spells you’d actually be able to join the Mages Guild proper, meaning a free place to stay whenever you need it.

Of course, the Kvatch Mages Guild probably isn’t open yet, so you can’t confer with the wizards there. But tonight… tonight is going to be great.

In the meantime, you better get started on earning some money.

Lightning_Armour wrote:
And snag that crumpled up, spat upon letter while your at it and see what it says.

Ooh, right! You grabbed it on your way out, almost forgot about it. Let’s see what kind of strange and exciting correspondence Quill-Weave and Hirtel have been exchanging.

“Dear QW,

Gods blood your such a dumb lizard. Maybe if you could tell the difference between your esophogas (Sp??) and your windpipe then you would know which one food goes down. Next time you choke I hope you die because I hate you. I don’t even need you, I could probably write better than you if I tried (I’m not trying right now). Also your fat.

Your best elf-friend,

P.S. sure I’ll preorder the usual 20 copies. Pay me next time I’m in Anvil”

That was less exciting than you expected. You’re not quite sure why, but you were kind of hoping to discover some piece of life-changing information in this letter. Or at least something useful.

  • cotyttia

    >katia: spontaneously discover a daedra shrine!

    • bersy

      I heard Sheogorath is looking for help. Make sure to bring plenty of cheese and dancing canines.

  • this really needs to be made into the new skyrim game 😀 😀

    • Tryffin

      How about no?

    • Dagda Mor

      You mean into a new mod for Oblivion? Sure.

    • APStorm

      I assume you mean Elder Scrolls game, or Skyrim expansion. Skyrim’s just the most recent installment in the series, not the name of the series.

      I haven’t even played any of these games and I know that. Also worth noting this is based on the areas from Oblivion, so as Dagda Mor said, a mod for Oblivion makes more sense.

      I do really want to play now after being exposed to this story, though. Sadly as penniless as our heroine here, right now.

      • MrFlimsy

        FurNut’s comment was posted before Skyrim was released. He/she meant “new Skyrim game” as in “new game called Skyrim.” Also, you’re coming off as a total asshole with your whole “even I knew that” bit.

  • Vexxtech

    Yay for update! Now we wait another three weeks!

    • Kazerad

      Oh man, them’s FIGHTING WORDS, Vexx.

      Betcha guys I’ll update by Tuesday.

      • Somedude

        And then you realized you didnt finish one of the quest chains in Skyrim, right?

        • Kazerad


          • Lord Blake

            Don’t worry, we all feel the same way.

          • cake


      • Vexxtech

        Haha Kaze! Then from now on I shall issue them words until we begin to get an update daily! 😀

        And I agree with Somedude. Skyrim makes me procrastinate like crazy. >.>
        One. More. Quest… oooh! Misc. objective!

      • The Voice

        Oh dang, called out, and throwing down! I’m liking where this is headed (update tomorrow!) but I think, Kaz, you can totally keep your word. The faster you update, the less random crap you have to cover in one post, hahaha.

  • Noxat

    Katia will never be better mage than J’zargo. J’zargo best mage in all the land.

    • Legends12

      i LOVE that scroll!

    • DestinedFateX

      However, J’zargo doesn’t even exist at this point, and surely Katia would have passed away by then….

      • Noxat

        J’zargo cares not for your “timeline.” J’zargo permeates all time. A mage as powerful as J’zargo can kompress time and his existence is infinite.

        • Dolash

          I know Khajiit do it in general, but when J’zargo refers to himself in the third person he really seemed to mean it.

  • Evandill

    Kazerad’s character in Skyrim is Katia.


  • donttellmeudidntknowpeopleweretiredofwaiting

    Holy fucking ass crackers! You actually managed to stop whoring Skyrim long enough to make an update, awesome. Well, I’ll be back in a month when the next update is up.

    • Noxat

      J’zargo has seen the future. The one called Kazerad will update by Tuesday. Khajiit knows this to be true.

      • DestinedFateX

        I have seen the truth: The one known as Kazerad has already previously stated his update plans before you have.

        Also, Weapon projection FTW!!!!

  • j’skal

    Katia: Go find work or odd jobs to do for people. It could be ANYTHING.
    If you cant find work wait till night and go and see the mages guild when it opens.
    Im sure they have something you could do for a bit of extra cash.

  • Dousiq

    Oh god finally.

  • natural40lololol

    holy mother of god this is the greatest comic i’ve ever read
    the amount of joy that surged through me upon realizing that i wasn’t rereading the first frame of the last page
    if my happiness could be converted into usable energy it could power the entire city of las vegas for six years
    no just kidding happiness isn’t a thing that can be scaled with energy
    haha that’s preposterous
    seriously this comic is pretty neat

  • Gavinfoxx

    Well now, it looks like you need to come up with some money. The most obvious chance to come up with some money seems to be the vampire. That doesn’t mean that you can’t, you know, put your newfound haggling skills to use even more. If that vampire needs blood to not starve, than you should consider selling your blood. I don’t mean that you could, you know, sell the act of you going behind the tree and letting her bite your neck, but you could totally just get a bucket and open a vein to bleed into the bucket for a sane amount, and then hand her the bucket in return for money (and the jelly, cause you will need some sugar after losing some blood). You might even be able to insinuate to that pervy warrior guy to follow you to that area, so you have someone with you on your side in case the deal goes wrong. If you do well with talking to him, you won’t have to promise any particular activities with him, he’ll just assume that you really ‘dig’ him. Also, you have realized a valuable piece of information that someone might be willing to pay for (or you might be able to blackmail someone, should you figure out who is intending to do this), haven’t you — ie, someone is setting up the orphanage to explode in a giant fireball. Why else would they be storing so many flammable and explosive things in there? You might want to make an effort to be nowhere near it, and make sure you are traveling with someone who can be an alibi, in case someone wants to finger you (a nonresident, and thus a target for such things…) as a suspect if it DOES go up while you are in town.

  • R_Ray

    Remember the person having issues with the slaughterfish in the well, and attempt to assist with your pyromancy (I recently tested, fire magic DOES work through water, though if that fails for some reason you could always heat it to boiling to kill them).

  • Miriandandes

    Katia: Stop by the chapel and inquire about restoration magic. It’s a chapel, and the priests there normally teach restoration magic. That would be incredibly handy; seeing as you can’t defend yourself very well (yet).

  • gogrongrobolmogissexy

    Yaay! Finally! When Katia went to Kvatch I actually expected the whole Oblivion gate thingy to start.

    • Snow

      Eh, keep in mind that that’s a little ways off considering this all taking place before those events… at least the state of Kvatch seems to indicate that unless I’ve missed something.

    • Jebediah Oldenheimer

      What are you talking about, there’s an Oblivion gate right there!

      …Oh wait, that’s just the stripper pole. Nevermind.

    • Kyle Hyde

      Your Oblivion character is technically still not in prison yet, at this point at least.

      • Lucreel

        “is technically still not in prison yet”

        1) How do you know? We have know way of knowing how long the player character was in prison before the opening scene of Oblivion? You could have been in there for decades?

        2) As far as I know, this story only takes place “sometime before” Oblivion, but we don’t really know how long before? This adventure might take place only a week before Oblivion for all we know, unless I’ve missed something?

        Anyhow, yes, since this is a *prequel* adventure, Katia shouldn’t encounter any of the Oblivion gates (well, maybe towards the end of this story, she might encounter the very first one, just before the player character shows up).

        • Link

          Actually it was stated some time way back that this takes place roughly a year prior to the start of Oblivion.

          As for number 1, when Oblivion starts you wake up and the guy across the hall acts as if it’s your first day there so I think it’s safe to assume you didn’t stay in prison for any real extent of time.

          Also this is called Prequel so it might just be that it’s Katia that ends up as this Player you speak of 😉
          (After she’s learned the basic spells and gotten her stats to the game’s basic values. Though I doubt this is the case)

          • Kazerad

            Actually, the “one year” thing just came from when Katia said her birthday and later mentioned she was 19 years old, which let people calculate it down to “within 9 months of Oblivion”.

  • Acerbus

    M’aiq is always in search of calipers, yet finds none. Where could they have gone?

  • DestinedFateX


  • Snow

    Skyrim is a hell of a drug I’m told (can’t ‘afford’ it quite yet).

    Also that’s one mighty update.
    Hell ya weapon projection, for when the best use of the mystic arts isn’t the mystic arts.

    Also her ‘machete’ switches sides.

    Cheers Kaz and keep up the good work!

  • KarmaChip

    Katia: At the rate you make money, plus accounting for what you’ll need to spend to get by, you’ll be in Kvatch for weeks! Even if you make money, you’ll probably just get robbed again. Still have that lockpick? Might just be easier to break in and and snatch the book.

  • What? He wants HER to pay HIM to buy HER books? That dosen’t sound right… Maybe QW is struggling just as much as Katia is, and she sees a bit of herself in her, and that’s why she was helping her out?

  • 40? Forty Drakes? That’s as many as four tens!
    and that’s just Expensive!

    • Sharky

      I C WUT U DID THAR :3

    • Dousiq


      But wait he’s rich, so…?

  • Kyle Hyde

    I’m getting a “duplicate comment” error when trying to reply to someone.

    • someone

      Weird, I haven’t commented here yet. :p

  • I gota love that hate mail between Hirtel and Quill-Weave…

    The hate is on the air.

  • Anon

    Джва месяца ждал это продолжение

    • Kazerad

      Oh comeon now, it was closer to two weeks.

      • Lucreel

        Kazerad, don’t let the whiners get to you. I mean, you’re doing this for free, so they’re getting their money’s worth. . . *grin*.

        Anyhow, I for one appreciate what you do, and don’t mind you taking a Skyrim-cation. I mean, we’ve only been waiting for TES V for like 5 years, right? So, thanks again. Looking forward to future adventures.

  • Soadreqm

    “You’re not the first penniless courier Q.W. has sent here on some sort of pity mission.”

    There’s very little in the story hinting towards it, but I can’t shake the feeling that Quill-Weave is only pretending to be Katia’s kind-of-friend to get material for her books. ._.

    • SuperFX

      Nah, she secretly has a crush on pineapp– Um… I mean Katia.

    • Jerkface


      People use each other; if it’s amicable, if it’s equitable, then that using is a good thing. I give gifts to friends on Christmas because that sense of generosity makes me feel good, does that mean I should stop participating in Christmas?

      You get a hand up out of the gutter of alcoholism, self-destructive behavior, and depression you’ve fallen into, maybe it’s worth your story getting a bit exploited.

  • brofist

    Just pointing out, “Also your fat.”

    • someone

      Also “gods blood” and “your such a dumb lizard” and of course “esophogas”. Hirtel has poor spelling and grammar. Of course he says he’s “not trying right now”.

      His handwriting is still a lot nicer than Quill Weave’s, though.

  • Dark

    Selling your blood to the “not vampire” still seems like a good way to make money for the book. 😀

  • LycoHalostar

    Katia: When you eventually get back to Quill., you should ask her about what Hirtel said. “You’re not the first penniless courier Q.W. has sent here on some sort of pity mission.” I’m kinda curious as to how many people exactly Quill has sent out on missions like this. It’s odd, don’t you think? Has something like this happened to her before?

  • stupidisme



    • SuperFX

      You’ll make a fine rug, cat.

      • Ames

        You remind me of my cousin’s cat.

        Killed that too. >:C

        • Reohajj Ouduru

          So many of Skyrim’s bandits started off as troubled youths who’s first signs of sociopathy where the mysterious disappearances of their cousin’s cats.

  • 0wn C0mmander

    Large towns like these usually have at least one abandoned house or unused shack–you could save gold on room and board by squatting.
    Worst case scenario you could sleep on one of those bedrolls homeless people usually lay on (you don’t actually own a home, so it isn’t inappropriate).
    Anything to avoid paying the tens of septims no one wants to give you.

  • Wart wart wart

    Quick go to the bar. There always gossip and people there that might need one thing or the other done.

    • Gavinfoxx

      She got kicked out of the bar, remember? And the other one is just to taunt her. She shouldn’t go to a bar at all…

      • Lucreel

        I thought she got kicked out of the bar in Anvil? She’s in Kvatch now, right? Still, probably a bad idea. . . although, on the upside, she does always seem to end up with a free bed after one of those bar trips. . .

        If she *does* decide to go to the bar, she should find a relatively safe place to hide her stuff before that, so at least when she wakes up, she can go back and get it again (unless, you know, while she’s drunk, she like gives it all away or bets it all away or decides to proudly show it to someone who then steals it from her).

        • Lucreel

          Update: Before when I played the mini-game, I missed the dialog sequence to get you banned from one of the bars in Kvatch. . .

  • Norexico

    Seeing she might be favored by Sheogorath, I wonder how long will it take before he makes a appearance and helps her out in some comedic way.

    I have dibs on raining cheese….melted cheese, heh

  • Alf Alpha

    Obviously you should’ve drawn 40 renditions of the prophet DRAKE BELL, an amazing artist and showman from another universe altogether.

  • Flame-Heart

    This one is excited to see the update!

  • InfernalLupine

    Any abandoned haunted houses around? Strip that sucker to the floorboards.

  • Gavinfoxx

    Another way to make money — you could go around, asking if anyone is willing to employ someone who can do odd jobs around town. Cleanup stuff, fetching things, deliveries, etc. Also, you should try and mention to people the skills you DO have. You are good at painting, clothing design, portraits, signmaking, visual design, and you can probably generalize your skills to being a scribe or to calligraphy or poster advertisements as well, and who knows what else! When you get a chance, you should probably try and make a piece of work that you can show to people as an example of your ‘portfolio’ of work. You’ve got an eye for these things!

  • Supes

    You could ask the bookkeeper if he’d like to leave his pre-order money with you, so you could deliver it safely to Quill-Weave.

    • Link

      You should re-read his statement on the pre-orders… it seems it’s QW that pays HIM to take the books xD
      Though that could just be another insult =P

  • Dr. Durr

    I have never read anything funnier than Prequel.
    This comic is the best thing since sliced bread.

  • Loland

    Hey, not to be imposing or anything, but you do seem to wind up in bed with quite a few people, admitted when your wasted, but why don’t you try selling your body for money?

    • SuperFX

      Yeah, but she’s trying to change that. That’s the whole point of her moving here.

      • Loland

        yeah but her saying she doesn’t have any skills is totally false, besides having the awesome ability to shoot fireballs and the ability to see in the dark -granted you don’t accidently look at the sun- she still is a cute girl, otherwise she probably wouldn’t have been with so many men owo but you’re right too.

  • noone

    But… QW DID say it should be around 10 septims.

    • Trevor

      She also gave her 15 septims for food and lodging combined. By Katia’s math here, this whole thing is ending up a lot more costly than Quill Weave said it would be. I guess we shouldn’t expect any better.

  • Lucreel

    Katia: Explore countryside near Kvatch. If you get into trouble, maybe you can run back to the city and let the guards deal with whatever’s chasing you. With luck, maybe you can find an abandoned camp to sleep at (or, perhaps, make it ‘abandoned’). In any case, it doesn’t hurt to find out what’s out there nearby. You might find another of those magicka wells or something equally useful. Along the way, investigate interesting looking plants. Maybe grab some of them and taste them, see if you notice any funny effects from tasting them (just don’t eat too much! A little taste of a strange plant or mushroom goes a long way).

  • Alliha

    >Katia: crouch down and realize you are suddenly hidden from everyone and nobody notices you.

  • Istas

    Hooray, another episode/strip/issue/page/what-have-you!
    I have to say this is the comic-type-thing that makes me most excited to read new updates of, out of all the ones I’m reading or have read. Thanks for such entertaining work.

  • Neow

    I think Sheogorath might make Katia do some sort of slutty strip tease in a pineapple headdress and other mad things before he does anything else. Vacation to Pelaguis’s mind on me for everyone! We shall all go absolutely boggles in the minds!

    • Jeff S

      I dunno, isn’t Katia more in Sanguine’s domain, than Sheogorath? She’s not crazy, she has little willpower and engages in debauchery frequently. That has Sanguine written all over it.

      • Sheogorath

        Now, why don’t you explain to me why you don’t want the little kitty-cat to venture into my realm? It’s my realm, and if I want a kitty-cat, you can bet your kidneys I’ll get a kitty-cat! We even have plenty cabbage for the cat… now wait just a second. Is it cats that like cabbage? Or is it the cabbage that likes to eat cats? Ohh well, only one way to find out! Now be back in time for the show, or I’ll pluck out your eyes!
        (Yes, you did just read this with my voice in your head)

      • Sanguine

        Don’t any of you dare mix up my domain with Sheogorath’s. And, true, making mortals give into their desires and impulses is better then assisting them in acting on indulgences. A night to remember, indeed….

      • Akatosh


        (Now now, no need to get those silly deadra involved in this. I’ll help the poor girl out…if she stops by my temple, that is.)

  • Reaper

    Katie: Spend an hour or two trying to make as much as you can pan-handling, depending on how much you make (if any) gamble in the arena in Kvatch. Who knows? you might meet someone interesting there, who is possible sympathetic enough to give you free/cheep lodging.

  • Pacce

    Katia: Maybe you want to see if the guards have some place you can put that package for safe keeping. God knows you’ll break it.

    • Reaper

      its a book…

  • Ytso

    Yeah, you would never, ever find something useful in these fucking notes all over Cyrodill.

  • Skelitor

    Dear Kaz
    You’re awesome. Love your webcomic.

    • kizmut

      I hope that’s not one of those ironically nice letters.

  • Sanguine

    Hah!~ Neck-Romancer… haha…

  • Glav

    Dat feeling when you feel that you’re the only one that knows this is NOT the place to post commands.

  • Mehrunes Dagon

    Mehrunes Dagon was here

    Sanguine is a loser

    • Nocturnal

      Oh Mehrunes, when will you learn to keep your grubby claws out of mortal business, hmm? I swear, sometimes you’re soooo ambitious. You should really learn to be more subtle…

    • Sheogorath

      Both of you should have some cheese and calm down.

  • Kieran

    Just thought I would bring this up, Quill-Weave said the book only would cost 10 septims when Katia first set-out, so the book store owner is ripping her off badly.

    • Dray

      Well that, and Quill-Weave was estimating the price based on her own speechcraft skill, which is almost certainly above-average. Guess she failed to factor in just how bad Katia is at haggling.

  • kizmut

    Well noone’s said it this update so I guess I gotta do it..

    Hirtel is an anagram for Hitler!

  • Brian Reid

    so how did the book become 35 when Q.W. said it was 10 >.>

  • dtlux14

    nice letter?

  • Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.