Aug 082011

xvpower wrote:
Dmitri Argoth

You are now Dmitri Argoth. You are composing a letter of heartfelt apology.

While on lookout duty last night a young khajiit woman tackled you from out of nowhere, declaring that she was “horn and drunky” and “wouldn’t take no for an answer”. After determining she was absolutely no threat whatsoever, you did what any man in your position would. You gave her a ride home and then had a threesome with a skeleton.

Yet afterwards as you rode back to Garlas Agea, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You had taken advantage of her. You wouldn’t have even considered it such if not for her argonian friend’s tearful insistence that Katia was “not always like this”. You may be a servant to an unholy lich seeking world domination, but you still don’t believe people should be forced into doing things against their will. At least unless you kill them first. Anything else would be morally wrong.

With this in mind, you have written a more comprehensive letter to the khajiit. You explain your mistake and offer to make it up to her however you can. Maybe you’ll send it with a pouch of gold or a couple Welkynd stones as a goodwill offering. Actually, you recall her saying that she would one day “stop being a drunking whore and become the best wizard ever”. Perhaps she’d like to become your apprentice? You’re sure the other guys would brighten up to her a bit if it means adding one more to the Worm King’s followers.

Then again, if you took on a khajiit apprentice the other necromancers here might start thinking you have a cat thing.

  • Akeru

    Hehe, last panel caught me off guard. Had me actually laughing, with sound and such.

  • Anonymous.


  • RedCat

    Are those her illegitamite children

    • Skelatox

      Yes. Yes they are.

    • tech

      Man and Beast cannot cross-breed.

      • Tristan

        According to the lore, that’s not entirely known as there is no documented incident of cross breeding between the Man/Mer and Beast races. Minus one incident in a book between a female Dunmer and Male Kahjiit I believe but nothing beyond that.

  • Skelatox

    Ohgodyes. Just so much yes.

    • Dragon

      Seconded. I think?

  • Faren

    I don’t even know him and I think he has a cat thing, so pretty much to late for his friends to think otherwise.

  • Kurry

    Is that ceiling cat?

    • cake


      • Salamore

        Then you’re already dead…

    • TechUnadept

      Oh noes! Ceiling Cat is watchin me summon undead horrorz!

    • Zerithos

      Oh. No. You. Didn’t.
      Okay you did. You can have the cheezburger.

  • Kalas

    > “There are worse things. God forbid you suddenly find out one of your fellow necromancers has a ‘lizard thing’. Write your poetic heart onto that page, a symphony of words to calm what could be a savage beast of once-drunken revenge!”

  • der


  • Ed Pastry

    What’s in the box?

    • An undead cat. Obviously.

      • JackDesert

        Schrodinger’s cat… one that is simultaneously alive and dead.

        • Joy Baker

          Well, most things that are simultaneously alive and dead tend to be categorized as undead, so yes. Schrodinger’s zombie cat is in the box.

  • Sciver

    Are you sure that’s Dmitri Argoth and not… Andrew Hussie? I mean, if anyone was into undead catsecks it’s probably Hussie… and well… it just LOOKS like Hussie…

    Dmitri: Ride a luck dragon and deliver that letter personally!

    Fixes-Homes: Be a real person that actually exists and isn’t just an absurd ploy.

    • FDJustin

      It’s just the art style. Otherwise… I’d say he looks very different. Definitely has the angular, evil bat face we would expect from a labyrinth dwelling necromancer out to turn our meat into furniture, skeletons into slaves, and souls into overhead light fixtures.

  • RatherInconsiderateFellow

    Oh my god the cat with the welkynd stone is easily the most adorably hilarious thing I have seen all day.

  • Psiana

    A necromancer with a fondness for cats? Looks like I found my favorite character.

    • SotiCoto

      That description pretty much sums me up too…
      Or was I a kittymancer with a fondness for death? I always forget.

  • tomas

    so is this supposed to be a romantic interest? honestly she could do worse. at least this guy seems nice and has some magic abilities that could be a pleasant common interest. ya know as long as you are okay with the whole necromancy thing.
    also this person could help katia fulfill one of her most pressing desires.
    a way to refill magicka is what i mean.
    also apprenticeship sounds cool.

  • NYAN

    Wait…Worm King you said, sounds ridiculously firmiliar

    • FancySanta

      That would be the antagonist of the Mage’s Guild line, Mannimarco.

      Real disappointing pushover. Though given the Warp in the West its possible he’s the Mannimarco that failed and the god he worships is the Mannimarco that succeeded at becoming a god.

      Would be nice to see the perspective of one of his followers with some more humanized traits.

  • idiottoyman

    OH MAN!



    It’s my birthday today, but that has nothing to do with anything other then the update on my birthday being awesome.

  • someone

    Are you trying to make us feel guilty about absent-mindedly slaughtering these mooks by the dozen?

    • Christof Ley

      Even if he is, it’s not going to work! I see through your ploys. Although had there been one like this in game, I may have at least given him a moments pause.

  • Ahz

    Dmitri Argoth: Invite Katia to meet up with you.

  • thatfrood

    No way is Asotil gonna be down with Dmitri, and NO WAY am I letting this relationship with Asotil be infringed upon negatively in anyway.

    • Asotil

      Necromancy is not illegal in Cyrodiil, which means it’s perfectly alright to be a necromancer.

      • Alex

        It’s generally not appreciated, but…

  • justme

    Well, he certainly ended up being a better one-night-stand than the Orc-guy anyway.

    So… all those kittens… is he gonna meet up with Katia and say “these are our babies!”? I guess stranger things have happened… That skeleton being part of the threesome, for instance.

  • Dagon

    It’s dark, but he kinda looks like a redguard.

    • Cruxador

      I’m not seeing it.

  • Doc

    >Dmitri: Have a cat thing

  • Devour_Its_skins

    Dmitri seems like a pretty nice person. yeah becoming a necromancer might not of be “right” by some standards but hey, The benefits are sweet

    Also cats are awesome you don’t have to justify anything to your friends.

  • woopyfrood

    Kittens’ Names:

    White Welkynd Kitten: Island

    White Ceiling Kitten: Archipelago

    Dark Brown Kitten: Key

    Gray Brown Bed Kitten: Tropic

    Light Brown Table Kitten: Atoll

    Tan Banister Kitten: Haven

  • SoqWizard

    I know remember exactly why I love this quest.

  • Soadreqm

    I like this necromancer already. Sure, he kills people and raises their corpses to undead servitude, but apart from that, he seems like a nice guy.

  • FallenVerto

    The cat playing with the welkynd stone should activate a projected image of the Necromancer and Katia laughing with malevolent pride with their arms stretched into the sky, with smoke and flames all around them, oh oh, and we need skulls somewhere in there, to show this is a prophecy of DOOM if he should ever take her as his apprentice.

    • FallenVerto

      protective = projection >_>

      I felt bad and fixed it for you. Tonight maybe I’ll install that plugin that lets people edit their own comments.

      • FallenVerto

        As someone with poor grammar skills. Thank you.

  • FDJustin

    “Tearful”, huh? How sweet, QW really does care.

    • Tita


  • AceOracle

    1 cat: You are a guy with a Cat.

    2. cats: You are a guy with a pair of cats.

    3+ cats: you are that guy with the cat thing.

    My advice? Find some Orphans. Give them some of your surplus cat populatio, in exchange for their corpses after they die. Orphans are suckers for small fuzzy animals and will sign over their own bodies / souls for their cute widdle wiskers.

  • Lexavian

    Hey Kaz? I was hoping to use the image in the banner to advertise this on my tumblr. However, I don’t know how to get those images since when I right-click it gives me the text part of the image only. Do you think you could provide the banner images behind the text?

  • justme

    Ceiling Cat is a nice touch

  • Jimbotholem III

    Dmitri: Remove brown cat and examine contents of chest.

  • Locke

    Revel in your own dark powers. Be the darkest wizard. (Other than the dunmer who lives in the room next to you, of course.)

  • Richard

    The day Katia discovers there actually IS an evil king is going to be horrible.

    • justme

      I don’t know, she might be relieved that her nightmares weren’t completely baseless.

  • ArtiLove

    Awwwwwwww he has a cat fetish. That is strangely adorable.

  • Rodrigo

    3rd favourite character get!

  • Shad_Devil

    “horn and drunky”

    Is that on purpose as in a drunken slur or did I really find a Typo noone else has caught for 4 months now?

    On another note: I think I know what the other Necromancers will be calling him behind his back from now on: Catromancer! ;P

    • Kazerad

      “Horn and drunky” was intentional, yeah. But thanks for keeping an eye out for typos regardless!

  • Delta9-11

    I think you meant to say “Horny and drunk” and not “horn and drunk”

    Not trying to be a stickler on the Typo’s or anything, just trying to be helpful ^^

    Best story on the Internet none the less ^^ Love it!

    • Delta9-11

      NEVERMIND I see from the post above it was intentional *feels dumb* Sorry…XD damn it all. I should REALLY pay attention

  • Matt Smith

    Gee and I thought she had sex with a douche again.
    Guess this guy isn’t so bad after all.

  • Sci’ Taar Shakara

    Two typos Kaz:

    Drunking should be drinking or drunk.
    Khajiit is not capitolized.
    “With this in mind, you have written a more comprehensive letter to the |khajiit|.”
    “Actually, you recall her saying that she would one day “stop being a |drunking| whore and become the best wizard ever”.”

    • Kazerad

      The second one is a direct quote, and I think the lowercase race names are something I keep up throughout all this guy’s narration just to help differentiate it from Quill-Weave’s. I appreciate you keeping an eye out, though! There are probably still other typos are all over the place.

  • Dreadmaster231

    “horn and drunky” Is that how it’s supposed to be?

  • dtlux14

    I love the last panel, maybe he does have a cat thing…

  • Djinnfest