Jan 012012

expy wrote:
katia why the fuck is “succeed in life” in your mental “maybe” column?

You just figured it made more sense there, since I mean it’s still a little dubious whether you’ll actually be able to… alright, fine.

You move “succeed in life” to the “Excited-to-do” column. Optimism yaaay.

TheVoiceandTheMuse wrote:
You’re going to see the Mage’s Guild tonight, and you might even be able to become a full member. That’s something to be excited for, right?

Oh, don’t worry, that already has its own column.

_scoot_ wrote:
That lady with the poison is bad news depending on what kind of poison that is all of kvatch is in danger if she pours it in the well. We need to stop her Katia.

>I recommend you try to talk to her, find out if shes already poisoned the well. If not try and talk her out of it, mention how dangerous this is and how hiring a certain cat wizard is much safer. While you talk to her position yourself between her and the well so if she makes a move you can stop her.

Anyway, while sorting your goals into arbitrary categories you have inched your way over to the crazy-poison-lady, inconspicuously positioning yourself between her and the well.

So hey, you say after a short, uncomfortable silence. What’s with that… bottle of poison you’ve got there?

Oh, this? The woman explains that some slaughterfish got into the well. She’s trying to get rid of them. She thought about poisoning the well to kill them, but then she thought about it harder and realized that would be a really bad idea. So she didn’t do it.

That’s good, you say. You tell her that for a second you thought she was actually going to –

-But then, the woman continues, she started thinking about it even harder

She realized her whole goal was to get rid of those fish. And poison… the poison would do that. It would do a very good job! So poisoning the well couldn’t be a bad idea, could it? If anything, it started to seem as though poisoning the well would be a good idea… with some rough edges. And she started thinking, what if there are no bad ideas, only good ideas with varying degrees of roughness? She was overcome with this terrifying new worldview in which all ideas were inherently good. If that was true, then would poisoning a well really be so bad?

Maybe… maybe poisoning the well is the best idea. What do you think about it, Katia?

SNeakyRobot wrote:
> Politely explain to the nice lady that she is retarted to the extreme.

In the nicest terms possible, you tell the woman that she is probably not the best person to be dealing with wells. How about if you kill those fish for her? You have some ideas of how to handle it. Ideas much safer than poisoning the well.

The woman says that she’d be very appreciative of any help! She says she’s not really the best problem-solver and was actually hoping that someone more qualified would come along and offer to lend a hand. You… you are more qualified, right? A person with qualifications?

hostergaard wrote:
Lets see what your current list are:


Layman Signmaker

Dedicated deliverywoman

Wizard in training

Master of exotic dancing

Resource gatherer


Now isn’t that an impressive list of more or less respectable professions? Yeah, you are allowed to feel a warm and fuzzy feeling over all you have achieved in the short time you have been here.

Qualifications? Psht, not only are you an experienced adventurer, layman signmaker, dedicated deliverywoman, budding wizard, exotic dancer, trained resource gatherer, and vicious barterer, but you are a natural, hunterlike carnivore. Killing fish? Piece of cake. You’ve killed at least two fish this week alone. Almost twice that if you count crustaceans.

Watch this

Twentydragon wrote:
Katia, you’re reasonably good with fire, right? You could just throw a fireball or twelve down the well and kill or at least drive off the slaughterfish below.

DONO wrote:
Also, is being a Khajiit that uses fire magic anything like being a cat in heat?

Oh, right. No magicka.

You have some other plans, too.

That’s good, she says. She looks forward to seeing what you come up with! Maybe she’ll learn a thing or two watching you.

KarneWarrior wrote:
Katia: Ask about the density of the slaughterfish in the well. Does it open up underneath? How many fish are there? If you plan on going inside personally, you’ll need room to manuver, and if you plan on using a fish net or something like it, it’ll be useful to know if there’s a chance at the fish hiding in some underground crevice.

You ask the woman a series of questions about the well and the fish, but she doesn’t seem to have many answers. All she seems to know is that it’s a well, and there are slaughterfish in it. Using your darkvision, though, you determine that the well goes about twenty feet deep before reaching water, and you spot at least two fish moving around down there.

Hm. With your current inventory, you’re sure you can come up with some way to evict those fish. Hopefully some way that doesn’t involve going climbing into the well.


Slatt wrote:
Do you want to end up being known as the cat that got stuck down the well the city guard had to rescue?

Yeah… getting stuck would actually be the least of your problems if you fell in.

You don’t know how to swim.

  • stabymcstab

    Update? I KNEW browsing this site at 5 am wouldn’t be a waste of time! I love you, Kazerad!

    • Thornclaw

      And I love this book!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • CW

    fish seeks your life?

  • Nekochild

    What’s with the tears of blood(?)on the second to last panel?

    • Nekochild

      Oh right..Night Eye.

      • Lucreel

        So, what does night eye have to do with tears of blood? She’s Khajiit, it’s natural for them. . .?

        • Rune

          she forgot to turn them off when she looked back up into the light.

          • patrick


          • Mzuark

            Is it safe to say that Katia’s not the brightest candle on the menorrah yet?

        • Tech

          it’s like looking into the sun while wearing night-vision goggles.

  • Horza

    Sounds like a job for the sexiest species around >_>

    As you’re not an Argonian though, promise to come back when you have enough magica. In the mean time, pick random ingredients up and sample for something that restores magica, totally risk free >_>

    • DestinedFateX

      Sexiest species around? Well that’s your preference and not mine to judge………

      One should be able to ingredients within a standard Mage’s Guild.

      • AFox

        he was making a joke that argonians are the sexist. which is pretty spot on if you ask me.

  • Jadav

    I love Katia’s idea of inconspicuously positioning herself between the well and the lady. Nope, not noticeable at all!

    • Dousiq

      My idea 🙂

      • Dousiq

        Aww shoot, didn’t notice that someone said it before me. Whoops.

  • Spaztron

    Katia, try turning what’s left of the “staff” into a small spear to throw at the fish

    • Zerrer

      make sure to tie the well’s rope to it first, so you can retrieve said ‘spear’ and do it again.

      • NoriMori

        Make sure you write your commands in the FORUM, not in the comment thread.

  • Slatt

    haHA! I made it into the update! And as the final word!

    … and I had a typo. “As the cat”, not “At the cat”.

    My typo will live on through the centuries. My shame will know no end.

    • Kazerad

      Eh, I went ahead and fixed it for you, saving you an eternity of shame. Merry Christmas!

      • Slatt

        Best gift I’ve received this holiday season!… Well no the second monitor, now portrait oriented for ease of scrolling for websites just like this is pretty incredible, but this generous spelling correction is a close second! Bless you Kazerad!

      • Funderful

        I’ll bet you’re having loads of fun going through “the suggestion box”.

      • JustSomeRandomGuy

        Actually, your typo will still live through the ages, because YOU MENTIONED IT IN THESE COMMENTS. It’s just like what happened to Katia when she tried to fix the sign. Now even people who wouldn’t have noticed the typo (especially since Kazerad fixed it) will know you messed up.

  • cups

    Use the rope attached to the bucket as a line, and maybe fashion your lockpick into a hook.

    Or make a spear out of the broken staff and the lockpick. Then use the rope so that you can pull the spear back after throwing it!

  • Michael

    Just find some lamp oil and a torch. Dumb the lamp oil in first and then drop the torch. If the oil doesn’t do the job first the resulting fire will. Plus, you love fires.

    • Michael


      • MrSing

        Small problem, people need to actually drink this water. Burnt oil isn’t really that healthy either.

        • Tech

          mmmm… burnt oil… glaaaaaarrrrrrgh…

        • Ch’marr

          What if it’s peanut or safflower oil? … we can throw some julienned potato down there too and have fish ‘n’ chips!

          • Slatt

            Oh and we can add in a bit of rosemary, some basil…

        • CaeDares

          He did say to drop the torch in directly after, so either way, the oil would get used up, meaning no one would be drinking the oil.

          • MrSing

            I know, but when you burn oil there are residual products. So at the very least the water would taste like a burned forrest.

  • Phineas

    Mauling your items = bad idea.
    You are a lot of things, but handy is not one of them.
    Fire is good. Fire is your friend.
    Go to the chapel of Whoever and ask for a healing spell or two to be cast on you.
    Then, use your fireballs to toast those bastard slaughterfish. Slightly scorched slaughterfish scales probably have some abundant alchemical applications as well, and would more than likely fetch a septim or two at one of the traders.

    • Phineas

      If you’re wondering how to get the fried fish fillet out of the well without risking your neck, or self respect, it is a well.
      Wells have buckets, which are used to get things out of them.
      Fry the fish, and then pull up their corpses in the bucket.

  • Asthanius

    Um…why were your eyes bleeding?

    Anyway, just lower the bucket into the well, and, using your darkvision to see, pull it back up when a fish in right over the bucket. When you pull the bucket up, dump it out onto the grass. The fish will die shortly thereafter. Then, repeat until there are no more slaughterfish in the well.

  • BlackFox

    Getting the fishes in the bucket and out of the well would be a good thing to try first.
    Throwing your items in the damn thing is a bad idea.

  • Dousiq

    Oh hey, my suggestion about getting between the lady and the well went through!

    • Dousiq

      Aww shoot, didn’t notice that someone said it before me.

  • frump

    Are slaughterfish fresh water fish? Can’t you throw in some salt?

    Or, you’d need to freeze/heat the water to shock their system.

  • A Pink Poodle

    You don’t know how to swim? What do you mean you don’t know how to swim?! When did this happen! We’ve been the cacophony of strange voices in your head since the day you were born and I didn’t get the memo that you couldn’t swim?!

    What about that thing when you were younger? You swam pretty great then!

    • JustSomeRandomGuy

      Well, as a cat-person, it’s a fairly logical assumption that she can’t swim.

      • DiedinVain

        Actually, most cats can swim. They just hate water.

  • Kyle Hyde

    I don’t know if it’s possible to make a fishing rod with what she has.

    • Keeran


  • JC 042

    Did she not have yarn? Make a fishing rod with the stick, yarn and erm… the “bait” (ball gag) and there should be dead fish in a barrel near by right? Dip the ball gag in it so the slaughter fish will take the bite from the scent, will also make future use of the ball gag more pleasurable as a cat.

  • Bersy

    You are a cat. Cats love fish. Go and eat those fish.

  • Anonguy

    Now I’m confused…

    From what I’ve understood, people are supposed to post commands (And what are commands anyway ? What Katia is supposed to do ?) in some forum but people also post them here…Care to enlighten me a bit, please ? (Also sorry for possible broken english, not my mother language)

    • JC 042

      People here are just posting it here for the commedy of their commands or they themselves are confused on where to post it. Like mine above your post, its there simply for the gag, but I also have a command on the proper forum.

    • Jadav

      The commands are essentially parts of Katia’s subconscience, like voices in her head, that influence the choices she makes. People posting them here are only posting them here because they can’t read that they’ll only be acknowledged in the forum

      • Anonguy

        Well that explains it. Thank you 😀

  • The Nerevarine

    I must say, I have never encountered slaughterfish in a well before. I have encountered them in caves, lakes, rivers, seas, and on one memorable occasion, in a sewer. But no wells. Were you an archer I would suggest lowering a lantern on a rope and shooting the slaughterfish you could see until they stop moving, but that would contaminate the well with decaying corpses. Which reminds me… I have an idea for you, which I must tell you elsewhere.

    • JC 042

      Idea: that well leades down to a large underwater cavern where a giant slaughterfish is! I encountered one in a thieves guild quest infiltrating a mages tower to steal an arrow head, in an under water area where your meant to find an underwater archway I went all the way down and through a really small hole barely able to fit through theres a giant slaughterfish! Tougher than a troll but its a really awesome underwater battle, recommend other people find it.

      • JC 042

        Dont know why that turned into a reply? Sorry.

      • Yeah, that was really awesome.
        Especially since I got the Crystalline Cuirass (30% Chameleon Glass Armour) off it. c=
        Especially especially because I always play a stealth Argonian. C=<

        • The Nerevarine

          I hate to seem crass, but could you give some lesson to your fellows? I find all to many enslaved Argonians. I always free any I come across, which put me at odds with the employees of the Dren Plantation. Though I did take compensation by robbing the place of anything I could find value in. Did you know that Orvas Dren planned to kill his brother? Such a foolish man to leave it where anyone could find it. And those two fellows who accosted me in the vicinity of the note were disgraceful and unsporting.
          But I digress. My main point is that I offer my hopes that you could instill within your fellows the great benifits of not being seen. Please. It breaks my heart every time I see any sentient being enslaved. Hopefully the rash of ‘shaving accidents’ that befall slavers will discourage them, but I always find more.

  • Norgle

    You could use the bucket to catch the fish, it might take a while, but surely you’d get them eventually.

  • MAXXimizer

    Sorry I’m tardy to the party;
    The mages guild should have some way for Atronach to refill their magicka, maybe for a small nominal fee you could get someone to hit you with some magic.
    Or you could learn some alchemy and get your Magicka back with potions.
    Or you could get someone to enchant your hatchet with absorb magicka, kill some critters and have magicka for DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS.

    And if you can’t swim someone in the town must have a ring or amulet of waterbreathing, or maybe a potion of waterbreathing; lower yourself in, kill them with the hatchet and climb out. The woman is there if anything goes wrong.

    • MAXXimizer

      just realized this wasnt the forums heheh

  • AdultPuppetShow

    She can’t swim eh?

    The plot doth surely thicken.

  • tronn

    ‘She thought about posioning the well to kill them’

    • Kazerad

      First typo of 2012! Fixed, thanks.

      • Ch’marr

        After all… the well was already poissoned.

        • Zhoca

          ^^ lol that was just one of those horrible puns that you have to laugh at xD

          • Ch’marr

            I am the incorrigible punster; do not incorrige.

      • tronn

        No prob! Keep up the good work, your comic is the best!

  • Malefactor

    In before katia uses fire and evaporates the well.

  • I am absolutely in love with panels 3 & 12 hahahaha. They’re so beautiful!

    I have to admit, there is the potential for disaster should she shoot a fireball down the well. Probably for the best that she can’t hahaha.

  • Rosey

    Use the bucket to go fishing in the well? You might get lucky, then you can just cut them up with your axe or something provided that they don’t kill you or something first.

    Or you could throw your axe into the well.
    Or mug that woman.
    Mugging sounds cool.

  • Fily84

    Katia with the :I face… Lovely XD

  • scoot

    Yay I made it into the update! Woohoo!

  • Sage038

    Kvatch cannot be attacked until after the end of the prequel adventure when Katia gets drunk again and wakes up in jail with no idea as of how she got there. Do it, Katia. BE THE HERO OF CYRODIIL!!!

  • Link

    I like how the panel with her thinking of what in her inventory could be used to deal with the fish has such a point & click adventure feel to it =D

    I really wish she’d stop tearing off her quite important amulet while leaning over a deep well though… =P

  • Ch’marr

    Help! What is the item in Katia’s inventory, third from the left?

    • Kazerad

      A broken pauldron off some goblin armor. Though at this point, she probably doesn’t even remember what it is or where she got it. She tried to sell it as an alchemical ingredient.

      • Ch’marr

        Heh, I direction-o’d, but you knew what I meant 😉

  • wipe away those bloody tears with something you dont mind disposing or losing and put the bloody thing in the bucket then lower it down and raise the bucket up with at least one slaughterfish

    • Hey! Just thought you should know that if you want to suggest an action, you have to do it in this thread! It’s linked at the top of the “Leave a Reply” form!

  • Unin

    Dab at darkvision-induced-eye-blood with grass, henceforth referred to as fish-bait.
    now, using your paint brush, apply poison to bait (JUST A DROP!)
    wait a few moments for the blood and poison to dry, then gently sprinkle them into the well, for the fish to consume.

    Don’t forget to bring up a bucket of water afterwords to clean your poisoned brush, and potentially retrieve tainted fish carcasses.

    • Hey Unin! Just thought you should know that if you want to suggest an action, you have to do it in this thread! It’s linked at the top of the “Leave a Reply” form!

  • Ellert


  • Ellert

    I am posting this message using someone else’s PRE-filled in email and name.

    I’ve encountered this before, and I am wondering why and how this occurs.

    Any help?

    The name I use is J’Ram-Ku.

    • Ch’marr

      I’ve been helping Kaz with some beefy caching of the site, and we had a problem a few weeks ago where it was caching too much. You might have had some old cookies in place with those details, but posting just now should have cleared it.

      Was the last time you posted 2 weeks ago or more ?

    • Ch’marr

      Oh, I re-read. You’re posting with the pre-filled details. One you change it it will clear the bad cookies and all will be good.

      The question is still applicable: if you’ve posted with the correct information at any time in the past 2 weeks it should have set the new cookies.

      EDIT: I checked (I have da powah!) and I see your last comment was exactly 14 days ago. We’ve tweaked the caching settings since then, so once you change the pre-fill with the correct details, it’ll fix the cookies and fix the pre-fill. Management apologises for any inconvenience!

  • noname

    Is there any way of submitting suggestions without having to register in your forum? Because it looks like it’s infested with some really shitty people and I don’t intend to write anything else there anyway.

    • Anon

      Ha ha, I think I know what you’re talking about

  • Pacce

    Step 1, for the love of the nine, TIE THE ROPE FOR THE WELL AROUND YOUR WAIST. That way, no matter what else happens, you can still climb up.

    Assuming you still have hands.

  • Ames

    Eh, they’re just slaughterfish. Not like you’re trying to pull a 300lb water-bloated zombie out of that well or anything.

  • can you make more chapter for qrequel please

  • JustSomeRandomGuy

    Katia: Burn down arena while attempting epic fire dance.
    I’m posting this in the comments on purpose because it would be horrible if it actually got into the story. And hasn’t Katia been through enough?

  • Jeiluifang

    Also slaughter fish only feel hate but they’re harder to find than the extremely common hate crab.

  • Kreton

    “Hopefully some way that doesn’t involve going climbing into the well.”

    Another small correction to help make the story as flawless as can be. I serve the function of an editor for some of my niece’s papers, so I have a little practice at it.

    • Kreton

      Actually, after rereading that It’s acceptable in its current form. I just thought that going down, or climbing down into the well might sound better. I’m don’t mean to tell you how to write your story.

      • Kazerad

        It’s cool, you still pretty much have the High Score on typo-hunting. Which is impressive, especially when some of these have been out there for many months.

        I can see the argument for “climbing down”, but the reason Katia opts for the phrasing “going climbing” is because she’s mainly thinking about the beginning of the climb there. “Climbing down” gives the implication that she’s actually going to successfully climb at least partway down, whereas “going climbing” just implies she’s going to try. Simply having her use “climbing” alone would’ve worked just as well for that purpose, but I think the “going” adds a bit more spite to the statement; e.g. the difference between “don’t run off” and “don’t go running off”. It’s subtle and reads a little rougher, but I think it’s important.

  • Tormuse

    “You’ve killed at least two fish this week alone.”

    It just occurred to me that Katia is talking about Quill-Weave’s goldfish. Maybe she should consider killing the slaughterfish by burying them in peas! 😀

  • Hey, reading this through for the first time and I caught a typo!

    “doesn’t involve going climbing into the well.”

  • Powmonkey

    I don’t see the problem.

  • dtlux14

    I love this story, and a cat doesn’t know how to swim, don’t they know the kitty paddle or something? Or is that Lizards I’m thinking of?

    • StrangePerson

      You mean doggy paddle?

      • dtlux14

        No, I’m pretty sure it’s lizards I’m thinking of.

  • Dragon

    Does anyone actually care that typos were made, though?